Page 87 of Perfectly Us
“Okay.”
I tap the link, and it takes me to a page with a headline reading,What is Demisexuality?I’ve never heard the term before. The introduction talks about sexuality versus asexuality, and I scroll down on the page. My blood pumps harder, sounding in my ears, as I read the next sentence:
“Demisexual people, who some argue fall under the asexual umbrella, only experience sexual attraction when they have an emotional connection to someone.”
With my breaths quickening and heat spreading through my chest, I keep reading.
It mentions how sex drive and sexual attraction are different. All the confusion I had about being horny but not wanting to hook up with random people, how I felt broken for not experiencing attraction like everyone else, this damn article addresses all of that. The more I read, the more understood I feel.
There are really other people like me.
I’m not alone.
It explains that switch I felt with Alex too. Once I had an emotional connection to him, a bond, I experienced sexual attraction. And now I can’t keep my damn hands off him.
Finally having a name for all of these confusing feelings and thoughts? Finally feeling like I’m valid? That I’m not broken?
“Aww, Shi.” Alex slips his arms around me as I start to cry. “I hope you don’t mind that I researched it. I just know how bad you wanted an answer. How in your head you’ve been about it. You might not be demisexual, but I wanted to show you just in case.”
“I think I am,” I say, pressing my face against his chest, my tears wetting his shirt. “It says demisexuality isn’t the same for everyone, and it talks about attraction. About needing a connection with someone first. It describes me so well.” I laugh a little, trying to process it all. “There’s so much to take in. It’s kind of overwhelming.”
“Are you mad at me?”
“What?” I lift my head and look at him. His big green eyes are pinned to me, and I admire those flecks of gold in his irises. “How could I be mad at you?”
“I don’t know. For being my usual self and sticking my nose in your business?”
I toss my phone on the bed and grab his face with both hands, kissing him. He makes the sweetest of sounds against my lips and grips my side. We fall back, him beneath me, and kiss. He slides his hand to the side of my neck, and I grip his shirt, skimming my fingers beneath the material to touch his toned belly.
My body’s hot, and my breath catches between each kiss.
So, naturally, that’s when my dad knocks on the door.
“Come in.” I roll off Alex and try to look innocent when Dad sticks his head inside the room. “Hey. How was your day?”
I got off work at three, and Alex hardly ever works on Tuesdays, so he’s been in my room for most of the day. Dad always gets home around five, unless he has a late appointment.
“Good,” Dad answers. “I’m thinking we’ll order pizza for dinner. Sound good?”
“Oh my god, yes,” Alex says, running a hand down the front of his shirt, smoothing out the wrinkles I caused. I feel myself blush at what Dad’s no doubt thinking as he looks at us all disheveled on my bed. “Not that my opinion matters, but you have my vote.”
“Of course your opinion matters,” Dad responds. “I take it you’ll be staying another night?”
Alex nibbles his bottom lip. “Actually, I should probably go home. I can’t run away from it forever.”
“Just know you have a place here if you need it,” Dad says.
“Thanks, Mr. Walker.”
“Landon,” he corrects. “At least stay and eat something before you go.”
“Don’t gotta ask me twice.” Alex grins. “I never turn down pizza.”
I’ve learned to read his smiles. Some don’t reach his eyes. Like now.
“You sure you’ll be okay?” I ask after we’ve eaten pizza and I’m watching him shove clothes into a bag. He went back to get them the day after he showed up at my place, making sure his parents weren’t home first.
“Yeah.” Alex steps into my arms and nuzzles my neck. “I’ll text you later.”
