Page 72 of Daman
“Taeden can fuck off. He knows I hate it when he calls me that.”
Bellamy laughed.
Voices rose in the background before Gray called out, “Hi, Daman! Do you miss me?” More voices chimed in, and my brothers started talking over each other, making it impossible to decipher any of their words.
Russia was ten hours ahead of their time, so it was still late morning in Echo Bay. Were they gathering around the table for one of Raiden’s big family breakfasts? Cinnamon rolls, scrambled eggs, and bacon. Tea for Alastair, orange juice for Gray, and coffee for the rest of them.
Them.When had I started saying “them” instead of “us”?
“Listen, D, I gotta go before Raiden eats all the food. I just wanted to check in and see how you were doing.” It sounded like he stepped out of the dining room because the noise faded a bit. “As for the whole mate thing, my advice is not to fight it. You won’t win that battle. Even Galen was powerless against it.”
“I’m scared, Bell.” Fuck, I hated admitting it. “It’s not possible to be happy with me. I’m miserable company. I’m hateful and bitter and rude. I’m not loving or nice. Warrin deserves so much better than me. How the hell am I supposed to chain myself to him? I’m an anchor that will only drag him down.”
A tear slipped from the corner of my eye, and I batted it away.
“Don’t say shit like that about yourself,” Bellamy said.
“But it’s true.” Another tear. Dammit, my voice cracked too. “If I ignore this feeling, if I refuse to act on these impulses, he can walk away from me when all of this is over. He can divorce my sorry ass and find someone who will treat him better than I ever could. Someone who’ll love him and show him how fucking amazing he is. But if I give in, Bell, and make him mine, truly mine, it will only pull him more into my miserable web. And I’m scared because I don’t want to hurt him anymore. I don’t want to sentence him to a life with me in it.”
“Enough.”
The voice hadn’t come from Bellamy.
Warrin stood beneath the archway holding two steaming mugs. His expression was lethal, and his body shook.
“I gotta go,” I said into the phone before disconnecting the call. Tears stuck to the ends of my lashes, and I quickly wiped at my eyes. “How much did you hear?”
Warrin set the cups on the coffee table and came toward me. His silence was unsettling, but not nearly as much as that cold look in his eyes. When he got closer though, I saw the slight tremble of his chin. “Is that why you’re so standoffish and push people away? Because you think you’re a burden?”
A whimper left my lips. Why did I feel like I was about to shatter?
“I… I just…” More tears welled in my eyes, and I couldn’t stop them as they started to fall down my cheeks. The last time I’d cried in front of someone was the day my brother Kallias died. “Everyone is better off without me, War. My sin destroys people. Their lives, their relationships. No matter how many demons I kill or humans I save, that will never change. I’m not like my brothers. I’m not a hero. Hell, I’m not even a good person. I’m a plague.”
Warrin grabbed my jaw with one hand and forced my face up to his. His nostrils flared. He said nothing.
“My behavior last night is proof of that,” I continued, hating the frailness of my voice. “I hurt you, and I’ll never forgive myself for it. Never.”
“It was an accident.”
“But I still did it.” I lifted a shaking hand to the spot on his cheek where the cut had been. Though it was gone now, I’d always see it each and every time I looked at him. Like a scarlet letter that marked my shame.
“You’re not good enough for him,”Envy told me.
“He despises you now.”
“He wishes he chose someone else.”
“Stop,” I said, a sob catching in my throat. My palms dug into the sides of my head, and I squeezed my eyes shut. “Just stop!”
“Daman?”
“You were right,”Envy said.“You’re a plague.”
I didn’t recognize the sound that tore from me. My heart shattered like glass, the shards exploding outward by a powerful blast. That blast being my own mind.
“Look at me!” Warrin came into focus in front of me, chest heaving. “Don’t listen to Envy.”
“But—”
