Page 81 of Gray
Mason laughed, clearly not expecting me to say that. “Um. Thanks? I guess.”
“You’re welcome.” I smiled and rested my head over his heart. It was quickly becoming my favorite place in the whole world. “I’m sorry about Kinkaid. Do you still love him?”
My breaths halted in my chest. Why did I ask something so dumb? Because now I was afraid of the answer.
What if Mason could never love me because his heart belonged to someone else?
“I think a part of me will always love him,” he said after a pause. “Our relationship was secret, but it helped me come to terms with my sexuality. Before then, I slept with women and told myself I liked it when deep down, I knew it was bullshit. With a simple kiss, Kinkaid helped me realize just how much I was lying to myself. I wouldn’t be who I am today without him.”
Though it hurt to hear him talk about another man he loved, it made me happy too in a bittersweet way. If not for him loving Kinkaid, he wouldn’t have been in my bed, holding me against his chest after the best sex of my life. I wouldn’t have met him.
“Enough about me,” Mason said. “I’m sure you’ve loved a lot of guys in your lifetime.”
“Nope. Well, not exactly.” I stared at the moonlight again and traced circles on his chest with the tip of my finger. “I’ve been with lots of men. Cared about them. I never built anything solid though.”
“Why?”
“Human lives are short. But even if I fell for an immortal, my mission would always get in the way of that love. Eventually. So I decided to have fun instead. No commitments.”
“What about Nick?”
I grinned. “Is that bitterness I hear in your voice, Sir Hawk?”
He lightly tickled my sides, making me squirm and giggle so hard I snorted. When he chuckled, the heavy moment felt so much lighter.
“No, I don’t love Nick,” I responded once the giggles subsided. “He’s only a fun way to pass the time.”
“In the thousands of years you’ve lived, you never once fell in love?”
I thought hard on his question. “I guess there was one man I let past my walls. Remember when I said I sailed with pirates?”
“Yeah, and how you searched for booty,” Mason said with a smile in his voice, echoing our conversation from our first breakfast together. That morning felt like ages ago. “So who was this guy? A swashbuckling rogue with a rugged handsomeness and a mighty sword?”
“He was a pirate captain,” I said, amused by the visual he painted. “I spent a lot of time in his cabin. We gave a new meaning to rock the boat if ya know what I mean.”
Mason’s body shook again with another short laugh.
“Mostly, I took naps. He’d come and wake me from them. He was so gentle with me, treating me like I was something precious.”
“What happened to your pirate captain?”
“He died,” I said, throat tight. “Shot in the heart. I… I couldn’t save him. We can heal people, but not always. His wound was too severe. Too much blood had been lost by the time I reached him. I held him as he bled out and sang to try to comfort him. I’m not the best singer in the world, but he liked sea shanties, ya know?” Tears burned behind my eyes, and I blinked them away.
“I’m sorry.” Mason kissed my temple.
“I still think of him sometimes and get kinda sad,” I whispered. “Maybe I did love him.”
“Sleep now,”Sloth said, this time impatiently.
Unlike my brothers, I could barter with my sin. Most of the time, Sloth did what he wanted regardless, but there were moments when he gave me what I wanted—like letting me stay awake to talk to Mason even after my body had reached its limit.
“We can talk more tomorrow,” Mason said. “You look like you’re about to pass out.”
“Not… tired.” But even as the lie left my lips, my eyes closed and I relaxed more against him.
“Good night, angel,” Mason whispered in my ear.
“Don’t leave,” I murmured, fighting to hold on a bit longer. “Stay with me tonight. The whole night.”
