Page 74 of Marry in Secret
“No, I assure you—”
“Thomas, it’s all right. You obviously don’t want to talk about the fight, and I’ll try to respect your wishes. But just let me say this: You were magnificent. And you can babble all you like about ball dresses and the moon, but I know you’re a hero.” She slipped her arm through his. “My hero.”
But thrilled as she was with his swift and valiant defense of her, she could see now how he’d been able to defeat Cal.And there had been a brisk savagery about the way he’d dealt with those thugs that was a little bit unsettling.
It was a reminder that she didn’t know very much about this man, her husband. He was darker and more complex than the Thomas she’d married. One minute lighthearted and teasing, the next dealing out swift and savage retribution, and afterward, seemingly unaffected by the violence and talking nonsense about dresses.
***
Pineapples aside, the house refurbishments were all going well. Her marriage was another matter. Oh, Thomas was doing all the right things, doing everything he was asked to do. And the lovemaking was wonderful.
But Rose couldn’t rid herself of the feeling that there was something missing.
When they were first married it had been so joyous and spontaneous. They’d talked and laughed and made love, and talked again, and everything was spiced with the excitement of the forbidden, of secrecy.
Of course it was different, she told herself. They were no longer as young and carefree as they’d been back then, and after what Thomas had experienced, after what they’d both experienced, of course they’d changed.
But some part of Thomas still seemed somehow locked away from her. Distant. He was playing the dutiful husband role, but was his heart really in it?
It wasn’t just that he didn’t much like to talk about his experiences. There were times when she wondered if she’d forced him back into this marriage, whether he’d wanted her to get that annulment. Whether he’d only married her in the first place because it was the honorable thing to do, in case she was with child.
At the time she’d believed that he loved her as much as she loved him.
Now she found herself wondering. Had he really only stopped the wedding to save her from committing bigamy?
What if all the time it had been protectiveness on hispart, not love? Gallantry rather than passion. Duty, leavened with desire, but not love. Was he now putting the best face on it that he could?
In odd unexpected moments, these doubts arose to torment her. She shoved them aside. Marriage took time, everybody said so.
Cal had married Emm for purely practical reasons, she reminded herself, and Rose had watched as they grew from strangers into lovers. Nobody seeing Cal and Emm together now would doubt that they truly loved each other.
And Ned. He hadn’t even noticed Lily the first few times he met her. Their marriage was forced by scandal, but a blind man could see that Ned doted on her now.
Rose ached for Thomas to look at her the way Cal looked at Emm, the way Ned looked at Lily.
She had been so confident that a marriage of convenience was what she wanted, that she didn’t want love. Because love was too painful.
But that was the duke. And this was Thomas.
And love was still painful.
What happened in the bedroom was bliss, to be sure. In the bedroom, Rose felt sure that Thomas loved her the way she loved him—even if he never said the words.
He was a good husband. He was loyal and honorable and she loved him with all her heart. If he didn’t feel quite the same, if his heart was a mystery to her, it shouldn’t matter. They were married.
In any case, actions spoke louder than words. It was foolish to crave the words. If Thomas did not speak them, he had his reasons. She had love enough for both of them. She would not give up on Thomas.
***
Thomas lay sated and relaxed, Rose curled against him. The lovemaking was getting better and better as they learned each other’s bodies, what they liked and how best to please.
Soon they would officially move into the house together,then the grand ball shortly after that. And then... well, then he’d be setting off to bring back his men.
And though he had mixed feelings about returning to Mogador, he was feeling pleased with the progress he’d made. He’d tracked down two more wives and arranged for them to be taken care of. Only young Jemmy Pendell’s wife and baby to be found now.
The last man, Jones, wasn’t married and though he probably had unknown bastards scattered around the world, there was no way of tracing them, and Jones probably wouldn’t thank him if he did. A bachelor gay and determined to stay one, was Jones.
Rose’s question came soft and inevitable, out of the dark. “When you were in Mogador, how many times did you try to escape?”
