Page 27 of The Rake's Daughter
What did the wretched man think she wanted out of life? He seemed to think she had only two choices—to sell her body and become a courtesan, or to hide in the shadows and not draw attention to herself. To be grateful for any crumbs people might toss her.
She wasn’t built like that. She’d had a lifetime of hiding away, being invisible, being grateful, knowing she didn’t really belong there—or anywhere. And now she had a chance to make a life for herself, she wasn’t going to let Lord High-and-Mighty Salcott stop her.
Nor would she abandon her sister in exchange for a home and an allowance. For security. Which she’d never had in all her life.
The trouble was, he’d planted some doubts.
What did he mean by that comment aboutpulling the strings? He was wrong, of course—she and Clarissa alwaysdecided things together, but perhaps, if she really tried, she might be able to talk Clarissa out of making their come-out together.
Would it truly be better for her to withdraw from society and not be seen until after Clarissa was married? It went wholly against the grain, but she really didn’t want to spoil Clarissa’s chances.
Of course Izzy wanted her own chance at happiness. She wanted a home of her own where nobody could toss her out on a whim. She wanted tobelong.And she wanted children, a family. Oh, she and Clarissa had made their own little family, but she’d always known that at any moment they could be torn apart—they’d faced that every time their father had visited Studley Park Manor.
Clarissa might have welcomed her with open arms, but Studley Park had never truly been Izzy’s home—not by right. She’d had to hide every time her father visited, frightened that if he found her, she’d be dragged away and dumped in an orphan asylum.
Of course as the years passed, she was more confident of being able to stay with her sister, but those early years had left their scars.
And now here was Lord Salcott trying to do the same. Only a little more subtly.
In her early years with Mama, their various rented cottages had never been a secure home. Mama often struggled to pay the rent, and they’d been evicted several times with very little notice. Izzy had always been aware of it, though for the most part her memories were happy enough. Nevertheless, there were always secrets and evasions—things she was not allowed to talk about, questions that Mama wouldn’t answer, things she wouldn’t explain—like where her father was.
And there were whispers in the village. Undercurrents. Looks. Sly comments.
She’d learned to ignore them, to pretend she hadn’tnoticed—but she had. And in recent years, as she’d come to adulthood, she’d wondered more and more about some of those secrets. She had an idea, too, about what they were, and it would certainly shame her if they ever came out. They would shame Clarissa, too, by association.
Could she even afford to hold out for love, as she’d once dreamed? With her background, and Mama’s secrets...
But the only way to protect her own children was to have what Mama had never had—marriage. And while Izzy wanted to make a good marriage, she didn’t want to make it at Clarissa’s expense. Clarissa was the only person in the world who loved Izzy, and Izzy loved her dearly.
“Has he gone?” Startled, Izzy looked around and saw Clarissa peeping through the dainty hanging flowers of a nearby fuchsia bush.
“Yes.”
Clarissa sat down beside her and inhaled blissfully. “Oh, don’t all these roses smell divine? So, what did he want to say to you that he couldn’t say in front of me?”
Feeling horribly awkward, Izzy tried to explain. “He’s adamant that my appearing with you in public would seriously disadvantage you. Not just because of my illegitimacy, but also that”—she swallowed—“he thinks that I would distract attention away from you.”
“Why? Because you’re beautiful and I’m not? Pooh! What nonsense! Mama was plain and I look a lot like her, I’m told. But I love having a beautiful sister whom everyone admires. Anyway, it’s not finding a husband that will be a problem, it’s finding the right one. Plenty of men will want me for Great-Granddad’s fortune alone, but I want a man who also values me for myself, and will come to care for me.”
“No, a man who willloveyou,” Izzy corrected her sternly. “Don’t settle for half measures.”
Clarissa smiled. “You’re right. I don’t want a marriage like Mama had but”—her smile faded—“I’m more like herthan you realize. While he was courting her, Papa was so charming and attentive, she fell head over heels in love with him. I suppose rakes must know how to charm; otherwise, they wouldn’t succeed at being rakes, if you know what I mean. And though her father didn’t like Papa, Mama was determined to have him.” She dimpled. “I guess we know where my stubborn streak comes from. Anyway, that’s why her papa set up the trust, because he didn’t trust Papa.”
“And a good thing, too,” Izzy said.
“Yes, but Papa never did bother with details, and he didn’t read the terms of the settlement. Once he realized he couldn’t get his hands on the bulk of her fortune, he was furious and treated Mama with utter contempt—well, you know how he treated me, but it must have been worse for Mama because she really did love him.”
Izzy didn’t say anything. Clarissa pretended she didn’t care about her father’s blatant indifference, but Izzy knew that deep down Clarissa had always ached for him to love her.
Clarissa sighed. “So he took it out on Mama, and even though he treated her badly—do you know he never once allowed her to go to London, he kept her immured at Studley Park? But she never stopped loving him. Even with her dying breath she sent him her love. Not that he was there, of course.” She fell silent, remembering.
It wasn’t the first time Izzy had heard this, how Clarissa mother’s dying words were all directed to her faithless, undeserving,absenthusband, and none at all for the loving young daughter sitting at her bedside.
Izzy’s own mother’s last words had been quite different.Don’t ever trust a man’s promises, my darling.And then after a few minutes she’d taken Izzy’s hand and held it with feeble determination, saying,Be good, my love, but above all be happy. Make the best life you possibly can. I love you, my darling girl. Don’t let anyone make you feel ashamed of who you are. You’re a wonderful girl and thebest thing in my life.And then she’d closed her eyes and slipped away.
Izzy’s throat thickened with emotion. It had been a long time since she’d thought of Mama’s last words. But the reminder was timely.Don’t let anyone make you feel ashamed of who you are.
Clarissa sighed again. “I fear I’ll be just as susceptible as my mother, Izzy. And that’s another reason why I need you with me. To stop me falling for a man like Papa.”
