Page 106 of The Publicity Stunt
“Do you regret it?” I go on.
“Regret what?”
“All of it? Some of it?” The night on the rooftop?
When he draws in a short breath, I realize I said the last bit out loud. Fuck me.
“Of course not, April.”
Oh. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to … I was just, um, confused by … it seemed like you didn’t like—”
“I fucking loved every second, Chere. Just talking about it is making my dick hard.”
My mouth goes dry. Oh, Lord.Don’t look down, don’t look down.
His thumb strokes my cheek, his touch feather light. “I just didn’t want you to think that’s what I meant when I said I wanted you back.” There’s something sad in his eyes when he tucks my hair behind my ear, and my chest tightens at the touch. “Can I tell you something, April?”
“What?” My voice comes out all weird and raspy.
“That night,” he starts, and I automatically know he’s not talking about the night on the rooftop anymore. “I might’ve been the one to save you, Chere, but I think you saved me too.” He brushes the hair from my face and smiles at me. “You saved me in more ways than one.”
“Don’t …”
He shakes his head. “No one else makes me feel this strong and vulnerable at the same time. And I’m not letting you go again.” He tips my chin up with one finger. “You’re the love of my life, April Moore. I don’t need us to last a lifetime to know that.”
I don’t know what to say.
I’m looking at him, he’s looking at me, and there’s a glimmer of hope—a hint to a bigger picture. Every time we look at each other, the string connecting us grows stronger. A conversation takes place. Hundreds and hundreds of them. No one else can hear them, but I like it that way. When we look at each other, we form a secret place—a safe haven to go to. When everything around us seems crazy and out of control, his eyes are my safe place.
He is my safe place.
I so badly want to be able to love him. Deep down, I do love him. I love him so, so much. Of course, I do. But there’s an equal amount of guilt associated with that love. And I can’t seem to separate the two. Something as universal as love shouldn’t be this hard. Not with him.
Not with him.
When he presses his lips against mine, the silence around us explodes in colors. He pulls me closer, running his hands up and down my back, into my hair. I somehow convince myself to pull back and his gaze pierces mine. “I love you,” he says.
What I hear is,I’m not giving up.
But I’m scared he’s going to wake up one day and not love me anymore. I’m scared he’s going to get sick of my constant need for reassurance, my craziness, my nightmares, my inability to move on. I’m scared that one day he’s going to look at me and not feel safe anymore.
But today is not that day. Today he’s looking at me like I’m something special. Like I’m some sort of miracle. So I simply pull his mouth back to mine, praying like hell it says everything I’m too scared to say.
I love you too, Hayden Parker. Always have.
ChapterTwenty-Four
Present Day
APRIL
He must’ve carried me back, after all.
Because I don’t remember walking back to our hotel. Nor do I remember the exact second we entered our room—dark, except for the dim glow of the city lights creeping in from below the curtains.
All I remember is feeling Parker’s mouth on mine. His fingers threaded in my hair, still soaking wet from the rain. Rough and clumsy, trying to wipe the water off my cheeks. Entering the room. Taking off my coat, him groaning at the sight.
I run my hands up the front of his T-shirt, feeling the rapid rise and fall of his chest through the wet fabric clinging to his body. I slide his jacket off his shoulders and it falls to the ground, pooling next to his feet.
