Page 143 of The Night Shift
“Because you miss her.”
I feel tears prickle in the corners of my eyes. “I wish it was that simple. I wish I could just go back to when the two of us would be hanging out in her dorm and everything would fit just right, and I’d think ‘it’ll all be okay if it can just be like this forever.’ But forever never stays the way it is. She was my person and now she’s gone. Even now, whenever something big happens, I want to call her. She’s still the first face I look for in a crowded room. Some days, I just stand in the dark and pretend to feel her lips on mine. But she’s not there. She’s never goingto be there again.” My voice cracks. “I don’t just missher. I miss whoIwas before I lost her too.”
Pin-drop silence.
I don’t notice the sheer volume of tears flowing down my face until I stop talking. All over my cheeks, dripping down my chin. Oh, god. What the hell is wrong with me? I have never admitted that to anyone before. “Fuck, I’m sorry.” I wipe my tears clumsily, sniffling. “I’m not usually like this, I don’t know what got into me?—”
“Stop apologizing, Holly. It’s okay to cry. You’re only human.”
I scoff quietly, fighting the sting of more tears. “No, I’m just tired.”
“Do you want me to leave?”
I blink at her through the blur of tears. “What?”
Audrey gives my hand one last squeeze, then stands. “It’s been more than ten minutes.”
I check the time. It’s almost two forty-five. “It’s not safe to travel this late. You can stay if you want. I won’t mind.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah.”
Her lips curl into the smallest smile. “Okay.”
We head to my room in silence. I don’t bother to change or brush my teeth or anything. I just wrap Theo’s jacket around and lie down on my bed. Audrey lies next to me, and we stare at the dark ceiling above.
“Why am I always having emotional breakdowns around you?” I whisper, meaning it as a joke, but it doesn’t sound like one.
“I wonder the same thing about me around you,” Audrey says.
There’s a long pause before I speak again. “I’ve never said all that to anyone before.”
“Why not?”
“It makes me sound so selfish.”
I hear Audrey turn her head slightly toward me. “Being selfish is not always a bad thing. Nobody else is going to put you first if you don’t do it yourself.”
I keep my eyes on the ceiling, the shadows stretching across it like ghostly veins. “I don’t get it.”
“Get what?”
“Whoareyou?”
I think she laughs. “What do you mean? You know who I am.”
“No, but in a more real sense. You came into my life out of nowhere and now you say you’re leaving. Why? Where are you going to go?”
“I have no idea.”
“How did you get into my building?”
She shushes me softly, her fingers running in lazy patterns over my arm. “No more questions. You said you’re tired. Go to sleep. I’ll answer everything you want to know in the morning.”
“I can’t just sleep on command like that.”
“Try,” she urges.
