Page 237 of The Night Shift
Theo stares at me.
Not like he’s surprised. Like he’s devastated.
Like he’s spent his whole life hoping he’d hear those words, and now that he has, it’s too late.
I watch it happen in real time.
The way his body tenses, the way his breathing stutters out of sync.
The way the bleeding picks up, faster, harsher.
His heart’s hammering too hard.
Trying to keep up with the weight of what I just gave him.
And it's killing him. He’s literally bleeding out because of me and those three fucking, moronic words.
Cami lets out a disbelieving scoff. “And there it is. That filthy fucking lie. Don’t you see, Holly? How much he’s managed to manipulate you? You think youlovehim? What a joke. You’re a serial killer! You don’t get to love. You can’t love. You’re a monster. You destroy everything you touch. I’m the only one who ever fucking stayed. And now you’ve ruined that too.”
I can’t stop crying. She’s wrong. I can love. Idolove.
I loved Aanya — even when it broke me, even when it hollowed me out so badly. I loved her so much, I thought I’d never be whole again. And now…now there’s Theo.
What I feel for him is bigger and sharper and messier than anything I’ve ever survived. It’s not delicate. It’s not some soft, beautiful thing. It’s violent. It’s terrifying. It’s all-consuming.
But it’s real.
Maybe I am a monster. Maybe everything I touch does turn to ash. But Theo has always seen something good in me. He still does. And that’s enough. It’s somehow always been enough. He’d crawl through fire and blood and broken glass just to reach me. And I have to do the same for him. I might be a monster, but I am his. Not because he owns me, but because he’s the only one who sees me. The good, the bad, the ugly. I am his and he is mine. Always.
Theo’s mouth moves. “You love me?” he croaks out. His breathing stutters into sharp, broken gasps, like he can’t drag enough air into his lungs. His heart is beating too fast, hammering out a frantic, unsteady rhythm, and I can see it in the way the blood gushes faster, darker, soaking the front of his sling.
My voice splinters. “Please don’t make me do this. I can’t. I —”
Cami groans. She takes my wrist and drives the blade in herself.
Theo grunts — deep, guttural. Blood seeps fast through his shirt.
“No!” I scream. “Stop!”
“Mmhmm,” Cami hums behind me. “Just a few more minutes and he’ll be gone from our lives forever. Twist the blade, babe. Make it hurt.”
Cami still has the pager. I still have no leverage.
Theo chokes, a drop of blood running down his lip.
“No, no, no, please, fuck, Theo —”
He leans in, forehead trembling against mine. Doesn’t quite make it. Too weak. Too much blood lost.
It’s okay, he mouths.
I shake my head, tears pouring down my face.
I love you, he mouths.
I’m sorry, I mouth back.
He tries to smile. Fails.
