Page 86 of The Rogue's Last Scandal
“I have borne a child.”
“A lovely, vibrant, beautiful child.”
“I am scarred. I am ugly.”
“You are scarred, but you are not ugly, Gracie.”
Confusion swirled through her, hope and fear warring.
Fear won. She lifted her chin and steadied her voice. “I will never be used like that again.”
“Not by anyone. And definitely not by me.”
The steel in his voice cut her and her heart plummeted again, bringing the rest of her with it. Her knees buckled, and he steadied her, his arms like the firm balustrade of the staircase. Compressed anger had turned him to stone. She had bungled this meeting and insulted him.
He lifted her hand and pressed the fingers between his own.
“You are driving me mad,” he said. “No, you are driving us both mad. I won’t marry you for your money or merely to protect you. I have enough money for the life I want, and I can and will protect you without marrying you if that’s what it comes to.”
His hands sent little bursts of lightning through her, addling her brains. Of course, his family was rich. He must have a generous allowance. He was not greedy. He did not need her funds. And his protection would bring them together, and that maddened him because he wanted her and would not be able to take her unless he married her. So why would he not marry her? Why would he protect her until she reached her majority or found another husband?
She caught her breath. Once she turned twenty-one, she could have control of her funds. Marrying anyone but Charley was unimaginable, and she would not need to. If he didn’t want her, she’d be free to go her own way.
If he protected her until then...Whatever was to happen between them, she wanted to explore it, in her damaged, fallen, scarred state. She’d never be an English lady. She wanted to be a real woman. To know an honorable man’s loving.
He wanted her but he would not use her, so she must persuade him, only she had no skills either in politics or seduction.
“Teach me,” she blurted out.
He stilled. She thanked God for the darkness concealing her flaming cheeks.
“You want me, Charley, and I...I want to know, to understand.” She huffed out a breath. “Oh, I am saying this badly. You are a man who has had many women—”
“Not so many—”
“And you are right that I do feel...That is, I like when you kiss me. I want to know more.”
He moved closer, so close she could feel his breath at her ear, making her shiver. “About?”
“About love. That is, about making love.”
He pulled her closer again and she felt his hard phallus against her belly. A frisson of fear went through her, and he stepped back an inch breaking their bond.
She pushed herself close. She must not show fear. Must not. “Help me to not be so afraid.”
“And if I got you with child?”
“Oh.” Given what happened before, it was a real possibility.
He kissed her forehead. “If I say yes, if that should happen, we shall deal with it.”
“How?”
“In the usual way.”
Fear raced through her. She had heard whispers of things desperate women did. “I will not get rid of a child. Never.”
He walked her into the light and studied her, his eyes very serious. “No. That’s not what I meant. I meant, that perhaps, by then, you would love me, and we could marry.”
I love you now.She opened her mouth, but the words would not come, and in truth, her own judgment couldn’t be trusted. Hadn’t she trusted her guardian at first? And Rigo? At first, she had thought her mother’s fears excessive.
“So you will teach me?”
“I will.”
“After the ball tomorrow night?”
He nuzzled her ear, sending ripples of pleasure through her. “Why no. We’ll have our first lesson right now.”
