Page 96 of Avenging the Earl's Lady
Chapter 24
The blame is mine.
She held her breath and let the words sink in.
He blamed himself for her brother’s death?
At first, her father had raged on about Shaldon, because Shaldon was there, because Reginald was working for him.
But before he died, Father had laid the blame squarely where it belonged.Her brother’s death had been her fault entirely.
Shaldon had claimed his guilt matter-of-factly, but that vein pulsed in his temple and his eyes glowed, as they had two nights ago when he’d come to her bedchamber.She knew he was as unsettled as she was.
And she couldn’t have him carrying this guilt, this man who must carry the responsibility of so many hard choices.
She clasped his hand, struggling for breath.Shaldon would have all her secrets tonight.Let him do with them what he wanted.“You are wrong of course.”
“I am not wrong, Jane.I’d followed a man to Kent.A spy, who’d been gathering information on our fortifications.The French were plotting their invasion.In fact, they’d landed a small force in Wales under an American colonel.”
“I remember that.Father was very worried about his estate.”
“With good reason.”He paused, probably choosing his words carefully even though the war was long over and there were no more armies with secret invasion plans.
“You may also recall that a mill had been planned in the area, two heavyweights with a great following of gentlemen attending.Worrisome in itself to have so many peers on the coast, and perfect cover for our man to meet his contact arriving there.Reginald Dempsey was one of my newer men, too green, too inexperienced, but I used him because he secured the invitation to stay with your family.He spent part of his visit scouting the coast.His task that night was to help follow the mark and see who he met with.No one expected your brother to be there.”
She swallowed a lump.“Father forbade my brother from going.He didn’t approve of the sport.”
“When your brother appeared, they both plagued me to allow him to stay.I should have sent him out of harm’s way, but I didn’t.”
She felt her chest squeezing.Shaldon didn’t know the truth.
He shook his head.“I lost sight of the man we were following, and I lost sight of Dempsey and your brother.”
She squeezed his hand, grateful to know the details Father had never shared.
“Dempsey ran off following him to the cliffs, his only back-up your brother.A boat below had brought in the man’s French contact.Dempsey, the fool, didn’t wait for the rest of us.He confronted them and your brother joined in.”
She squeezed her eyes shut.She could imagine it—Amsden, who’d always been ready to step up and fight.
His death had been far more honorable than what her father had led her to believe, that he’d been brought down in a drunken brawl.
Had father known the truth?He must have, if he’d found fault with Shaldon.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“Thank me?I failed your brother, and Dempsey, and you.Had I known about you and Dempsey, Jane, had Dempsey lived.I would have made him—”
“Made him what?Marry me?”She shook her head.Marriage to Dempsey would have been appalling.She knew that now.“He would have made a dreadful husband.I don’t believe my dowry would have been enough for him.He left debts, even in the village.”Her father had been so angry about that too.“I’m thanking you because my father would not say what happened.”
“We couldn’t tell him the details.Very likely he suspected enough to curse me.”
“Yes, there were some curses hurled your way.”She choked and turned away.“In any case, he didn’t blame you entirely.He mostly blamed me.”
“You?”
Her blue gaze lifted, trouble churning within.
“It was my fault that my brother was there.Father had no say over Reginald but he’d forbidden my brother from going off to the prizefight and he kept him close that night.Meanwhile, I borrowed my brother’s coats and trousers and followed Reginald.”She took in a shaky breath.“When he discovered me missing, Father sent my brother and a servant to retrieve me.Once they’d found me, Amsden thanked me for helping him escape, packed me up with the servant and sent me home.”She bit her lip.“It was my fault he was there.”
