Page 57 of The Story of You
Not much time before you wake up. I can’t take Dad anymore. The house is too sad with Mama gone. Youwon’tcan’t leave so I’m going to make it on my own. I stole a few hundred bucks from Dad’s wallet, and you know I’m resourceful.
I’m going to miss that cake on my birthday next year.
See ya later dickhead.
Love,
Darius.
Underneath “Darius” was an illegible smudge.
It was the second to last line that got me the most. It was a moment we three brothers shared. Mother and Father had gone off to fuck. It was the line that told me no one had forged it as it would have been easy enough for Father to create something similar in a more child-like form.
Still. Something about it was all wrong. I sat there, my head in one hand, Darius’s letter in the other, trying to make sense. Replaying that night in my mind. The month I spent vying to get him back and the various responses I got. The conversation with Uncle Pax. The one with Father. My memories made sense, but this did too.
“Do you really believe I’d do something like that, Silas?”
“I …” I didn’t know.
“What have I done to make you think I’m a monster?” His voice was hard. Hurt. “I know I’ve made mistakes, but you said we were good.”
“You’re not a monster. I’m—I’m sorry.
“If he was in foster care, why hasn’t he called home? They don’t ban children from using phones.”
“Y-You’re right. Please help me.” My hands slid into my hair and tugged at the roots.
“You’re going to be okay, son. I promise. You’ve been working hard around here. Things have been rough. I’ll take some days off. We’ll go to the lake.”
He pulled me into a hug. He was standing, I was sitting in a chair at the kitchen table. It was mildly uncomfortable hugging him at crotch height, but I didn’t care, I was a mess. I nodded even though I didn’t want to go to the lake. Part of me wondered if Darius would find his way home and think we’d abandoned him. I wanted to stay here in case, but I couldn’t tell Father that.
“I’ve been trying to keep this from as many people as I can,” he added, carefully. “I don’t want to leave Oliver with someone else. I am concerned that if others knew how bad off you are, they’ll want you away from Oliver.”
I became a statue. I stopped breathing for a solid minute. I still wasn’t fully convinced that there was anything wrong with me despite the heavy glaze of confusion wrapped around my brain, but I knew Father always got what he wanted and what he wanted was for me to shut up about Darius. It was a threat. The next thing he’d take from me would be Oliver.
“Thank you, sir. I appreciate your discretion,” I said. It was something Father’d said a lot.
“Everything is set up. All you have to do is keep your chin up. Look after your brother. Don’t talk about Mama or Darius. Can you do that?”
“I can do that, sir.” I was empty. “May I keep this? The letter,” I added when he showed confusion.
He nodded. “Do what you like with it.”
I kept to myself over the next few weeks. Father took me and Oliver to the lake. He rented a cabin. I was still expected to make all the meals, serve him coffee—which I’d finally learned how to make right—and clean up after us, but there weren’t all the usual household chores to deal with and it was a nice break.
Darius would come up. Memories of him and me at the same lake. Father and Mother took us every summer. They talked about buying one of the cabins someday. They never did. I pretended he was there with us. It wasn’t summer, it was winter, and it was easier to pretend that everything at the cabin was new. New things to do. New sights to see.
Father and I would sit and chat by the fire while Oliver slept. He’d drink wine and I’d have soda. We talked about college. “I was thinking about business school,” I said.
He didn’t like my answer. “A business of what?”
“Don’t know yet. Was hoping to figure it out while I was there.”
He laughed. “You’re not going to business school, Silas.”
If he said no, I wouldn’t be. I was quiet after that.
“Don’t pout. With the grades you got, you’ll ace the MCAT. I already have several schools in mind. I’ve been working on making connections for you since the day you were born.”
