Page 110 of The Story of You
I probably should ask him. But I want to do this with my brother. “If we keep it light, should be okay.”
“We’ll definitely be keeping it light, and I won’t be swinging at you at all. I like my balls attached to my body. Could you imagine Julius walking in as I’m taking a swing at you?”
That might be worth seeing.
He picks up the sparing pads. Repeating for me some of the moves he’s taught me in past, I watch and then try them. The crack of my knuckles—in the right way—against the pads is satisfying.
“I only grind your gears about the spoiled thing to keep you in check. I don’t hold it against you,” he says as we move around the padded flooring, me throwing punches, Darry holding the pads for targets.
“I think you’re getting an idea of how things were now. They were tough and complicated. Society expects compliance to their norms no matter what you’ve been through. It’s bullshit.”
“What do you think about Silas and Aleksander? Do you think they were in love?” It’s not that I don’t believe Silas, but he was … not okay. Does he know what he felt then? Or does he need the fantasy because the alternative is too awful to contemplate?
Darry pauses. He doesn’t want to say the thoughts that have come to mind. “I’m going to be real with you, baby eagle bird.”
I smile at that because Wyatt gave me that name and it’s cute and I love it.
“Dad fucking groomed Silas, okay? I was a kid, and I didn’t know what was going on, just that something was wrong. I wasn’t there when they were intimate, and I’ve never been able to get the slightest handle on Dad’s game—which is why I find even his memory terrifying—so I don’t know what Dad really felt for Silas. I lean to that he was an obsessed, abusive psychopath. But Silas? He loved Dad because Dad didn’t leave him a lot of choices other than to love him. And even if what Silas feels isn’t love, he needs to believe what happened between him and Dad was real, so it doesn’t fucking matter what the answer is. I’ve wanted to talk to him about it so many times. Try to show him how he was led to one ‘choice’,” he says in air quotes. “But fuck, I’m weak, Oli. I can’t stand seeing the kinds of panic attacks he has when I know he’s trying to separate himself from Dad. Loving Aleksander tears him apart but comforts him in equal amounts. I know that’s about as healthy as my alcoholism but fucked if I know what to do about it. It doesn’t help that he was heartbroken for a long time without the chance to be heartbroken.”
“Because of me.” He made my happiness the priority.
“Yeah because of you, but it’s not your fault. You must know how much he wanted to do what he did by now.”
“Yeah.”
“And never feel bad for being the catalyst for the end of that fucking swamp of toxicity. You saved him, Oli. I never would have been able to get him away from that. Only you could have. He needed to be away from him. It’s bad when Mr. Fucked Up himself is saying that.”
“Not fucked up, Darry. Stop saying that about yourself.” Okay, now I can see why Lakshan doesn’t like hearing that phrase. I take a cheap swing at him, but he dodges my lame attempt easily. It gets the message across. “I don’t forgive you yet for almost dying.”
“What’ll make you forgive me—wait, I know. Stop talking smack bout myself. What comes after the word ‘I’ matters and more bullshit self-help phrases.”
“They work. You taught me that one. And yes, please stop?”
He huffs. “Yeah, okay. The major likes it as much as you do, and he can spank my ass for it.”
I laugh. “Good, and you know, maybe I got Silas away from him, but you kept him away.”
“Huh. Guess I did. Teamwork?” He holds his fist up for a bump.
We work up a sweat. I don’t break my knuckles. Darius tells me to get some water and takes the wraps off for me. I don’t think my brothers can help themselves by doing little things for me like that. I see now that we have become a unit. We filled roles. Those roles have never been abandoned. They make us feel safe.
“How’s the thing with Asher?”
“It’s … a thing. At least the sex is fucking incredible. When he leaves, I’ll have some nice dick bruises to remember him by.”
“Darry!”
“You asked,” he says, smirking.
He knows I wasn’t asking that. “You think he’s going to leave?”
“He always does. Why should I expect differently?”
“Fair. I hope he doesn’t though. The three of you are cute together.”
“What do you mean by that? How can we be cute when we’re barely a throuple or whatever you kids call weird perverts like me nowadays? Wyatt attempts to get along with Asher for me. Asher spends fifty percent of his time taunting Wyatt and the other fifty percent not talking to him at all. I can’t let go like I’m su-fucking-pposed to because I’m trying to play offense and trying to find ways for them to spend time together alone. It’s fun times.”
He’s so intuitive with everybody and everything else, how can he miss so much in his own relationship?
