Page 75 of The Wondrous Life and Loves of Nella Carter
“Now who’s the optimist?” he said, his smile tired. He shook his head. “No, Tessa,” he said quietly. “I can feel it. It’s okay. Truly.”
He sighed, the movement taking strength from him. “I always had a fire inside of me, you know. Like I had to get it all out, live life to the fullest. Even if others thought I was odd or too much or peculiar.”
“You certainly have lived a life,” I said. He had been a fashion designer to the stars, and my best friend. I knew what was to come; I only had my time with him now.
“I sure did, with my best girl at my side.” He squeezed my hand.
I prayed to God.
I prayed to Death.
I asked them both to save Adam.
Begged and pleaded.
But there was no respite. I threw everything into his treatment, but he’d developed the disease before effective treatment became available. Winter crept in, and Adam caught a cold he couldn’t fight. He went to his bed, fever climbing steadily higher, until he couldn’t hold anything down, breathing labored. It was clear that he was at his end.
On the edge of the sixth morning, Death arrived while I sat with Adam. As he always did, Death appeared at my side. He was as I had seen him at first, his expression remorseful.
I choked back a sob, the weight of the past days sagging upon me. I had kept hoping—believing that if I just held on, Adam would live.
I pounded his chest with my fists. “Save him. He’s my dearest friend. You saw what he’s made. What he’s capable of!”
Death eased into the open chair and sighed. “Nella ...”
“Whycan’t you save him? You’ve seen his work. You know he’s worthy. He is so young ...”
Death shook his head sadly. “I changed everything for you once. I can’t do it again.”
“Can’t or won’t?”
“Can’t.”
“You mean there’s someone else in charge? Who can I speak to? If there’s anything I can do, I’ll do it.” If Adam had taught me anything, it was not to take no for an answer.
“Nella,” Death said. “Look at him.”
Adam stirred in the bed, head thrown back, sweating, body tense. Agony racked his body. I squeezed my eyes tight against the truth. “Then fix him.”
“Death isn’t always a punishment. Sometimes it is a release.”
I sniffed, throat tight and swollen. “You’re just taking him because he’s mine.”
“No. I’m taking him because it’s his time.”
“I don’t believe that! It doesn’t have to end this way!”
Death shook his head. “Nella ... it willalwaysend this way. “ He sat on the bed next to Adam, gazing at him. “I, too, am exhausted. I know what this young man can do, and I’ve seen the things he can create. Sometimes I wish ...”
“Wish what?” I let the words ease out, careful and unsure. I’d never seen Death like this before.
“Most are bad, like I’ve always believed ... but there are some ... every once in a while ... who can make me think ... for a second, that some good can be found in the world.”
“So stop.”
He shook his head. “I wish I could. But that is the inescapable loop we’re trapped in until one of us breaks. This is how it will always be between us.” He gazed at Adam, whose breathing was growing ever more difficult.
“You thought not falling in love would save you pain, but there is always pain as long as someone holds space in your heart. Your love for him is no different than that of a lover. The passion of friendship of equal value. I ... don’t wish it for you, but that is the way that it must be ... Unless you would give all this up. Give in and agree that nothing is worth this pain.”
