Page 75 of Broken Secrets
“I could have,” Jeremy agrees. “I could have fought it in court, could have forced the issue. But I was young and scared and convinced maybe your mom was right. Maybe you werebetter off without me in your life, considering the mess I’d made of everything else.”
“And Lilly?”
“Lilly and I tried to make it work. We got married when Emma was two, divorced when she was eight, got back together when she was twelve, broke up for good when she was fifteen. We’re better as co-parents than we were as partners.”
“Emma said you’re not together now.”
“We’re not. We share custody, we get along well enough for Emma’s sake, but we both realized a long time ago that a relationship built on betraying other people isn’t a solid foundation for lasting love.”
The honesty in his answer surprises me. Most adults would try to soften that truth, make it sound more romantic or justifiable.
“Do you regret it? The affair, I mean.”
“I regret hurting your mom. I regret the choices that led to you growing up without knowing me. I regret the pain I caused everyone involved.” Jeremy pauses. “But I can’t regret it entirely, because if it hadn’t happened, Emma wouldn’t exist. And despite everything, she’s the best thing I’ve ever done with my life.”
“What about me?”
“You’re the best thing too. I know that sounds like a cop-out, but it’s true. You and Emma are both incredible people, and I’m proud to be your father even if I haven’t earned the right to that title.”
The waiter comes by to refill our water glasses and ask about dessert, breaking the intensity of the moment. We both decline dessert but order a soda instead.
“Can I ask you something that might be hard to answer?” I say once the waiter leaves.
“Of course.”
“If Mom had let you be in my life, would you have been a good father to me? Or would I have been the daughter you felt guilty about while you focused on Emma and Lilly?”
“I’d like to think I would have been a good father to both of you. But honestly, I was immature and selfish and making terrible decisions left and right. You might have been better off with Robert raising you instead of me fumbling through learning how to be a decent parent.”
“But you figured it out eventually. With Emma, I mean.”
“It took me years to figure out how to be the father Emma deserved. She was patient with me while I learned, but there were times when I failed her too. Times when I was so wrapped up in my own guilt and problems that I wasn’t fully present for her.”
“She seems to adore you.”
“She does now. But there were some rough years when she was younger, when I was trying to balance my relationship with Lilly, my regrets about you, and my responsibilities as Emma’s father. I made plenty of mistakes with her too.”
The soda arrives, giving us both a moment to process the conversation.
“What about now?” I ask finally. “If you could design the perfect relationship with me going forward, what would it look like?”
“I’d like to be a real part of your life, if you’ll let me. Not trying to replace Robert or compete with him but being available as someone you can call when you need advice or support or just want to talk. I’d like to know about your college plans, your career goals, your relationships. I’d like you and Emma to have a real sister relationship, not just weekend visits and awkward phone calls.”
“Even if it complicates things with Lilly?”
“Lilly will have to learn to live with the reality you exist and that you’re Emma’s sister. I’ve spent too many years letting other people’s discomfort control my decisions.”
“Mom said she took care of the Lilly situation. Do you know what she meant by that?”
He sighs. “Nothing good,”
“What did she do?”
“Your mom called Lilly yesterday morning. They had what Lilly described as a ‘very intense conversation’ about Emma’s ultimatum and the threats she’s been making.”
“What kind of conversation?”
“I don’t know all the details, but apparently your mom made it clear that she has documentation of Lilly’s financial manipulation and emotional blackmail of Emma. She also pointed out that Emma is seventeen, almost eighteen, and that courts tend to listen to teenagers who want to escape controlling parents.”
