Page 32 of Broken Secrets
I keep scrolling, hungry for details about the sister I never knew existed. Emma in a cheerleading uniform, pom-poms raised in victory after what looks like a competition. Emma on what looks like a family vacation to the beach, building sandcastles with Jeremy. Emma graduating from what must be middle school, Jeremy’s arm around her shoulders, both of them beaming.
Eighteen years of moments I wasn’t part of. Eighteen years of Emma getting everything I always wanted, a father who was there for soccer games and graduations and random Tuesday afternoon barbecues.
But she reached out to me. That has to mean something.
I tap back to her message, my heart hammering against my ribs. What do you say to the sister you never knew you had? How do you respond to someone who got the life you always wondered about?
I start typing and deleting, over and over.
Hi Emma. This is crazy.
Delete.
I can’t believe you found me. How long have you known?
Delete.
Hi. Yeah, I guess we are sisters. I’ve been wondering about you.
Delete.
Finally, I settle on something simple:
Hi Emma. This is so surreal. I’ve seen your photos on your dad’s website but never imagined you knew about me.
I hit send before I can second-guess myself, then immediately wish I could take it back. Your dad’s website. Like I’ve been stalking their family, which I guess I have been.
Three dots appear almost instantly. She’s typing back.
Emma: I’ve known about you for over a year. Dad told me after I found some old photos in his closet. I’ve been wanting to reach out but wasn’t sure if you’d want to hear from me.
The photos are a few from when you were a baby. And he’s followed your soccer career through your school’s website and stuff. He’s really proud of how good you are.
My breath catches. Dad. She calls Jeremy dad so casually, like it’s the most natural thing in the world. Because for her, it is. I can’t believe he has photos.
He’s been following my soccer career. Jeremy, my father, has been watching me from a distance, keeping track of my games and achievements. The father I thought had forgotten about me completely has been paying attention all along.
Me: That’s… I had no idea. I thought he didn’t want anything to do with me.
Emma: Are you kidding? He talks about you all the time. He just didn’t know if it was his place to reach out. Your mom made it pretty clear she wanted him to stay away.
There it is. The elephant in the room. My mom made it clear she wanted him to stay away.
Me: It’s complicated.
Emma: I know. my mom told me about everything when I found out about you. About the affair and the pregnancy and how your mom left Michigan. I’m sorry. I know it’s messed up.
She’s apologizing for her mother’s affair. For the thing that tore our families apart before we were even born. I want to tell her it’s not her fault, that she was just a baby too, but I don’t know how to say that without making it weird.
Me: We were both just babies. Not our fault.
Emma: I know, but still. I’ve felt guilty about it since I found out. Like, I got to grow up with Dad and you didn’t, and that’s not fair.
Me: What’s he like? As a dad, I mean.
Emma: He’s great. Really patient and funny. He taught me how to drive stick shift in his old pickup truck, and he never missed a cheer until I quit last year. He makes terrible pancakes on Sunday mornings and always lets me pick the music in the car.
Each detail is like a small knife to the chest. Sunday morning pancakes. Cheer. Teaching her to drive. All the normal dad things. While Robert has never missed a game and has always been there for me like I am his own, it hits different when my biological father could have had these moments with me too.
