Page 61 of Grinchland
“I missed you,” she said, her voice hushed as she leaned in closer to me.
I smiled back at her. “I missed you so much.” I pulled her in for another hug.
“Guess what.” She pulled back to look up at me.
I blinked back the tears that had formed on my eyelids. “What?” I said, matching the excitement in her voice.
“Christmas didn’t kill me,” she said matter-of-factly.
I raised my eyebrows. “Christmas didn’t kill you?” I repeated back.
She shook her head. “It didn’t. I’m okay. And I get to go to Catalina’s party!”
My smile widened. “I’m so happy for you.”
She nodded.
“We’re working on reframing things. We’re realizing that a holiday can’t actually hurt us.” Silas’s voice grew nearer, and I wanted to look up at him. I wanted to see him again and get lost in his gaze. But I feared that once I allowed that connection, I was never going to be able to move on from him. I wasn’t looking at him, but I could feel him. From the corner of my eyes, I could see him staring down at me.
“Your house is beautiful,” Isabelle whispered as she glanced around, her gaze lingering on the living room.
“Thanks,” I said. “Although, I’m thinking about clearing some of this stuff out and moving forward. After all, I need to stop living in the past.”
That comment was more for Silas than Isabelle, but I still couldn’t bring myself to look at him.
“Hey, Belly. Think you can give Ms. Snow and me a minute alone?”
Silas squatted down next to Isabelle, and my plan of never looking at him flew out the window. He was eye level to me now, and in my stupidity, I snapped my gaze over to him. He didn’t meet my gaze. Instead, he just kept looking at his daughter.
“Why don’t you come with me, and I’ll show you Ms. Snow’s snow globe collection. They are amazing,” Abbie said as she stepped forward and reached out her hand.
Isabelle didn’t need to be asked twice. She fervently nodded and slipped her hand into Abbie’s, who then led her out of the foyer, leaving Silas and me alone.
Crouching there in silence, I knew I couldn’t ignore that he was right in front of me, so I sighed and straightened. Silas moved to join me.
“So, is everything better in Grinchland now that Christmas has officially been chased off?” I asked, not trying to hide the bite in my tone. I kept my gaze on the floor before I finally gathered my strength and turned to face him head-on.
Silas didn’t respond right away. Instead, he just stood there, studying me.
“Isabelle misses you,” he said as he shifted his weight and shoved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans.
“Isabelle misses me?” I repeated.
He nodded and then paused before he took a breath. “I miss you, too.”
I frowned at him. “Because I was such an annoyance that now that I’m gone, you’re bored?” I folded my arms across my chest. I wanted to believe that he meant what he said, but Silas had broken my heart, I wasn’t ready to hand it to him again.
Silas studied me before he scoffed. “Clara,” he whispered.
The soft way he said my name sent shivers across my skin. I wanted to lean into it. I wanted to close my eyes and jump headfirst into the feelings coursing through me, but I couldn’t. Not when he could so quickly throw away the feelings that I knew he had for me.
“What?” I asked, trying to remain strong but failing miserably.
He glanced at the floor and then back up to me. “I was wrong,” he said, shrugging his shoulders slightly.
I needed him to keep talking. I needed to hear everything. “About what?” I asked.
“A lot of things.” He paused. “I was wrong about pushing away things that brought me joy. I was wrong to think that the best way to keep Nicole’s memory alive was to slowly die myself.” He swallowed, his jaw muscles flinching in the process. “I didn’t want to hurt, so I hurt my daughter instead.”
