Page 18 of Anchor Grey
“You did, and we will decide on the prize before we play again, but I think I want to try some of the other games too.”
We’d started a grocery list while we were playing and had added way more than we probably needed but this was another new thing. We never shopped together or planned meals. Our lives were centered around hotel rooms and takeout, so it felt a bit like playing house and we both loved it. After putting the game away, we settled onto the couch and between us we planned out the next five days of meals. “We’re pretty good at this,” I said and double checked every item we’d added.
“We’re good at a lot of things.” Devon’s voice had gone from light and friendly to deep and full of want.
“We’ve neglected a lot of surfaces.” I made a show of looking at everything around the cabin before meeting Devon’s eyes.
“My turn to choose.”
“Didn’t you choose last time?”
He leaned close enough to press his nose against mine and stared for a moment before pulling back. “Maybe. I can’tremember,” he finally said. “As long as we’re both there and we’re both involved is all I care about.”
“Me too, baby. Now I was thinking you could bend me over this couch . . .”
Later, after dinner, the two of us relaxed against each other on the couch watching a movie from the eighties that was both funny and weird. “I wanted to use the hot tub again, but you wore me out earlier,” I said and nuzzled into his hair.
“I think you wore me out. Or maybe it’s all this mountain air,” he said.
“Or all the hot sex.”
“Maybe,” he said again.
“It’s this place. It’s magical.” I said it as a joke but a part of me meant it. We’d only been here two days, and I felt like I’d lost a thousand-pound weight I didn’t know I was carrying around. Usually, we were up all night and slept late, but last night we’d gone to bed early and gotten up with the rising sun. “I can’t remember the last time I got up early enough to see the sun rise. And I don’t mean when we’ve still been awake.”
“I’m not gonna lie, I could go to bed right now.” Devon’s eyes were heavy as he slowly blinked and leaned a little closer to me.
“Your wish and all that.” I stood and held out my hand to help him up. “You go ahead; I’ll turn off everything.”
“Thank you.” He kissed my cheek as he slowly made it down the hall. There wasn’t another person in the world I would want to spend time with away from our usual lives. It bothered me that it had taken a year since we’d met to take time for ourselves. But it also made me question my life for the past twenty years. All that time I’d done without so much while chasing a dream.
“Are you coming?” Devon yelled from the bedroom and stood in the doorway naked.
“Yeah, I’ll be right there.” After turning everything off and making sure the door was locked, I hurried down the hall and after brushing my teeth and using the bathroom, I slid into bed behind Devon.
“You’re cold,” he said and wove his fingers with mine.
Kissing his shoulder, I snuggled in close and pulled the blankets over us. “You’re so warm.”
“I can’t believe we’re in bed already,” he murmured.
“Me either, but I love it.”
“Johnny, do you think Anchor Grey will still continue?” he whispered as though he was afraid to put that thought out into the universe.
“I’m not sure. We’re a good group, all of us get along and work hard. The music is solid and we’re gaining more fans with every show. But I don’t know if my heart is in it anymore.” He rolled over then to face me. He looked down at our clasped hands before meeting my eyes.
“I’ve known for a while you were burnt out.”
“What? How could you tell?” I didn’t want to let them down, and knowing he could tell I was struggling bothered me.
“It wasn’t anything specific. It was more that you seemed to just be going through the motions. Like it was a boring job that you knew so well you didn’t have to pay attention anymore.”
“Babe, I’m so sorry. I would never want to let you guys down,” I said and sat up against the headboard.
“Hey, you didn’t let anyone down.” He cupped my cheek as he spoke. “You’re always there for all of us and you work twice as hard. Not once since I’ve known you have you called off sick or complained. Sometimes you just need a break.”
I thought about it, and I knew he was right, but even thinking I’d let the guys down ate at me. Maybe he was right and I just needed a break, or maybe the thoughts that I kept pushing down deep and ignoring were right. I was done with playing in a band.
