Page 107 of Hell to Pay
Dr. Müller didn’t rise to the bait. He said, “That’s all very well, but I can’t conceive of any way she could have saved your life. You’re sounding rather overwrought, don’t you think?”
Joe looked at me. There was a flush on his cheeks, and I was sure mine must be flaming. He asked, “Where’s the doctor? Dr. Becker? And the kids?”
“How do you—” Dr. Müller began.
I said, “They’ve gone to a displaced persons’ camp south of Munich. A place specially for Jewish refugees. He was most eager, and the children, too. They can go to school, you know, and eat, and be safe, and he can work again, which I believe he’s missed most of all.”
“Oh,” Joe said. “Well, that’s good, though I’d like to have thanked him. But they’ve left you alone.”
“Yes,” I said. “But I’m fine, of course. I’m very well here.”
Joe said, “Huh.” Then he told Dr. Müller, “What happened? Pretty simple. I was wounded, and Dr. Becker fixed me up and Daisy here nursed me. All very aboveboard.” He didn’t say when it had happened, which was diplomatic of him.
I was just thinking that when Dr. Müller said, “But how could such a thing have occurred? Did they …” He gestured. “Come across you somewhere? Ambushed, perhaps? Without your comrades? No, I cannot imagine it. Please explain.”
I said, “If we do, it must go no further. I may not have behaved with—” I stopped, groped for the words, and finished, “with proper patriotism.”
Joe said, “Well, probably not.” He was smiling, though. “I’d saydefinitelynot. But thanks anyway.”
Dr. Müller said, “I won’t speak of it unless I judge that I must, but as you have no family … I am a childless man, and a widower, but I care very much for you. I don’t want to see you do something you’ll regret, that will affect your future. These are difficult times, but you can get through them without compromising yourself. If you need help, I hope you will come to me.”
I said, “Thank you. Sincerely. You’ve been a great comfort to me. I miss Dr. Becker and the children so …” I had to stop and take a breath. “So very much. I miss my parents even more, and the … my friends.” I hadn’t told him who I was, and I didn’t want to. It would change things, and anyway, I wasn’t a princess anymore. Not in any sense. “You’ve helped me feel less … less alone. So thank you.”
Joe had his hand on mine again. Right out there on the table, where anyone could see, but I drew comfort from it anyway. He said, “I’ll tell him, if you like.”
“No,” I said. “The decision was mine, and I’m not ashamedof it.” I told Dr. Müller, “It was during the battle. The boy Axel, who lives across the street from the bakery?—”
“The blond boy,” Dr. Müller said. “Very badly behaved. He needs his father.”
“Yes. He shot Joe before my eyes, and he was about to shoot him again. To kill him. I couldn’t let that happen, not for Joe, and not for Axel, either. So I pulled Joe inside, and Dr. Becker and I cared for his wounds. That’s what happened. That’sallthat happened.”
“Ah,” Dr. Müller said. “Commendable in one sense, but …”
“Yes,” I said. “Not something I particularly wish to advertise.”
“Well,” Dr. Müller said, “I see no reason why I need to speak of this matter. We will consider it closed, shall we? But you should know,” he told Joe, “that although I am old, poor, and not strong, I will protect Fräulein Glücksburg to the best of my ability.” He might have looked ridiculous saying it, with his skinny frame, his persistent cough, and his threadbare suit, but he didn’t. Dignity, he had still. Dignity, one cannot take away.
Joe said, “I appreciate that, sir.” He was still holding my hand, and his voice was level. He was young, but oh, was he strong in himself. “Andyoushould know that I’ll be doing exactly the same thing.”
46
MOVING UP TO CORNED BEEF
Alix said, “Well,thatescalated quickly. He seriously said that the second time he evenmetyou?”
“It’s different in wartime,” I tried to explain. “Things are so much more … tenuous. A person can be here today and gone the next, and waiting can feel more dangerous than leaping. There were many very foolish marriages during those years. First, young men going off to war, wanting somebody to write to, somebody to wait for them. I believe that was true everywhere. I wonder how many couples discovered, after two or three or six years apart, that they had nothing in common and nothing to say to each other. “
“After the war, though?” Alix asked.
“After the war,” I said, “among Germans, there wasn’t so much leaping into things—for one thing, over forty percent of Germany’s young men were killed or badly wounded in those six years, so there weren’t many men to marry, and, of course, no money to set up housekeeping and no place to do it. The young men who did come home often married their sweethearts anyway, though, and among the American soldiers, too, one saw such things. They’d come too close to death, Isuppose, and didn’t want to waste any time before they started living again.”
“Plus,” Ben said, “they had all the money, so they could take their pick.”
Sebastian said, “Not a great thing to imply, buddy.”
Ben said, “What? I bet it’s true,” and looked combative.
I said, “If you assume that money is what matters most to women.”
