Page 76 of Until Next Time
She pulls back and looks up at me, eyes welled with tears.
“What’s in the envelope?” She asks, quietly and timidly like she doesn’t want to overstep.
“I don’t know. I wanted to be with you when I open it.” I tell her.
We head to the living room and I take a seat on the couch. Birdie is in the kitchen popping the caps off of a couple bottles of beer.
She saunters into the living room holding two beers and a box of tissue.
“Liquid courage, and just in case.” She says holding both up.
I laugh and pat the spot next to me on the couch.
She sits down and snuggles close. She nudges my shoulder with her nose.
“Okay, here goes.” I say as I tear open the side of the envelope. I can feel something inside so I tip it on it’s side.
Sitting in the palm of my hand is the very necklace that my mom wore every day. A silver chain with my birth stone. It was never recovered from the accident. Until now.
“Oh my God.” Birdie gasps quietly, bringing her hand to her mouth like she didn’t mean to audibly react.
“Is that…”
“My mom’s necklace. Yeah.” I answer her question before she can finish asking it. There’s a piece of paper still in the envelope. I pull it out and read the writing scrawled across it in black ink.
I found this at the scene of the accident. I’ve been holding onto it, praying I’d get the opportunity to return it. I’m sorry that you’ll be paying for the consequences of my actions for the rest of your life. I hope this brings you some sort of closure or maybe it will make you feel close to your mother again—even if just for a moment. I know the circumstances are different—but I do know what it’s like to lose your mother. I’ll never forgive myself for making you familiar with that pain, but I hope someday you can find it in your heart to forgive me.
I stare at the page for a few beats before I look up. Birdie’s hand is on my thigh, and there’s a few tears trailing down her cheeks.I bring my finger to her face and swipe them away, feeling the immediate need to comfort her.
“Hey hey hey, it’s okay.”
“Life can just be so shit sometimes.” She says, a small whimper in her voice.
“It can be. It can also be so good. And it is. You’ve shown me that.” I admit.
Because even when Birdie didn’t know it, she was the bright spot in so much of my darkness. Always anticipating the next time I’d see her, or the next secret I’d be able to read, or hearing a song on the radio that reminded me of her. She was in it all, carrying me through.
I fiddle with the necklace in my hand, looking it over. It’s in fairly good shape—it could use a nice cleaning, but the ruby birth stone is still in tact.
I look over at Birdie and she’s looking at me, like she’s fully present here with me and it means everything to me.
“I want you to have this. Is that okay with you?” I ask, taking her hand and dropping the necklace into her soft palm.
“Dawsen, I can’t. You should keep it, or what if your dad would want it?”
I know my father. He loves Birdie and he’d want her to have this too.
“I want you to have it, and I know my dad would love seeing this on you.” I take the necklace and unclasp it. She lifts her hair up for me as I bring it around her neck.
She presses her hand against it, like she’s reveling in the the feel of it.
“This is so precious to me. I’m proud of you. For today, and all of that. I can’t imagine everything going through your head right now.”
I scoop her up onto my lap, and start placing kisses down the side of her neck.
“How’s your writing coming along today?” I want to switch the subject. I don’t want the rest of the night to be a bummer, and I love hearing about her writing. The stories she’s making up in her head.
“It’s actually been really good. I scrolled on Pinterest for awhile to gather some inspiration for my characters. Their style, and also some ideas for locations and things. The research process has actually been so fun, and it’s a good distraction from the fact that I have absolutely not a clue in hell what I’m actually doing. Imposter syndrome is at an all time high, and I honestly hate even admitting that.”
