Page 52 of Trust No Alpha
He was close. Too close. His breath smelled like tea with sugar. Take care of myself? I couldn’t even stand!
“I don’t—I don’t think I can--” I let out an uneven moan. But it wasn’t a moan of pain, but of pleasure so intense it took over and confused my thoughts.
“It’s all right. Take deep breaths.”
Thorne had been through this. Thorne was coaching me. The thought was both humiliating and evocative. But he could help and I wanted it. But didhewant it?
“I don’t want anyone else to see me like this. I don’t!”
“All right.” His voice soothed. “I promise. No one will see you.”
My moans turned softer and caught in my throat. I was partially on my side, my face on the pillow turned away from him. The light from the hall wavered over the curtains on the window, turning them pale amber.
The trembles in my body might seem like shivers to any onlooker, but I wasn’t cold. I was made of hottest flame, of the very heat-death of the universe. Red edged my vision now.
Thorne began talking to me again. He stood over the bed but he didn’t touch it, or me.
“I have things that will help. Lube. Devices that can aid you.”
Devices?I had been a curious teen. I knew the things he was talking about. Sex toys. They would be inhuman. Cold. Not the sort of cool relief I craved. But what choice did I have?
I gave him a reluctant nod.
Thorne’s footsteps receded and already I missed him. The room opened all around me like a void, sucking me in, spitting me into nothing so that I would fall forever until I disintegrated to stardust.
I gripped the sheets harder and wished for Thorne. He would hold me up. He would keep me from falling. He’d never let go because that’s the kind of person he was. Someone who held onto what he valued, and never forgot them. Never left them behind. Even Ian, who had died due to something Thorne would not reveal, was someone he wouldn’t abandon. His grave in the yard was a testament to his loyalty.
Father had warned me.Trust no Alpha.But he meant Alphas like himself. And like the boys he raised. Myself included.
I heard footsteps return.
Thorne’s soothing voice. “Can you turn? Just a little?”
Fire washed over me as I tried to prop myself on my elbow and turn my head. My cock pressed hard against my hip, pointing toward the sheet.
I blinked to clear my vision. In blurry tones of brown and gray, Thorne stood by my bed pulling things from a sack in one hand, and laying them in a row beside me on the bed.
“These are all clean and disinfected. I keep everything in good shape for when I need them every couple of months.”
The lube was unopened and new.
The toys were soft and shiny and didn’t look as scary as they did shameful, but I didn’t like them. I didn’t crave them.
“This,” said Thorne, setting one device I knew was called a fleshlight beside the lube, “has new batteries. Here is theonswitch.” He picked it up again and turned it in his hand.
I could only see his tapered, long fingers, and the inside of his palm, not the toy as he held it. The toy did not exist for me.
“If you want anal stimulation there is this. Many Alphas don’t, but some do.”
The plastic penis had a soft, rounded head, and looked rubbery along the shaft. Again, I focused on Thorne’s own hand, the perfectly trimmed nails, the map of bluish-green veins on his upper hand. Strong. Alpha.
I closed my eyes, not wanting to comprehend all this yet knowing I needed to. I took slow, shallow breaths.
He had a few more things. Sheaths. Vibrating rings. All things I didn’t really think about, ever, or want.
Thorne named them for me in a neutral tone as if sharing sex toys with a young naked and suffering Alpha experiencing his first Burn in the guest room of his home was a normal event.
It boggled my mind.
