Page 68 of Single Omega Dad
“Someone good. An Alpha who is whole.”
“What do you mean?”
Saber still had my face cupped in his palms. I tried to turn my head but he held it still.
“What do you meanwhole?” Saber asked again.
It was all too much too fast. “Just that I’m not,” I said, pulling away from him, from the sweetness, the salt of our sex, the lilac of his skin. I sat up with enough force that he fell back. Swinging my legs over the side of the bed, I made a grab for my strewn clothing.
“Hey, hey. Mathias. Wait. What are you doing?”
“Going,” I said.
“I’m sorry if I asked too many questions.”
I sat on the side of his bed, my body bent, and rubbed at the skin of my forehead. I was too uncomfortable in this moment. I needed to leave.
“I have an early appointment in the morning. I need to get home.”
I heard silence from behind me. I didn’t dare turn to look at him. If he seemed hurt, I wouldn’t be able to bear it.
The world teetered. The world of the bedroom and Saber and his family. Why had I ever thought it might be a world where I could live?
I pulled on my pants and stood, fastening them, then bent and reached for my shirt. I heard breathing behind me, but otherwise the room was still. Still as held breath. Still as silent tears that might or might not be dripping down one of our faces.
It wasn’t me. No, it wasn’t me who went down the hallway to the front door, opening it and walking into the night alone. It wasn’t me who pushed forward with each step, getting into my car and driving away. It was someone else. Someone who’d taken over my body and had been trying to be me for twelve years, since I first discovered the brother I thought was perfect was flawed, since my first Burn when I couldn’t knot.
The next day, I called in sick to the bank. No one cared. There were no board meetings that day and I could work from home.
The little twinges of the new beginnings of a bond inside me, a bond with Saber, stung as I turned over in my bed, turned off my phone, and kept the room dark. I got up only for water and to use the bathroom.
It felt damn good to hide away from the outside for a little while.
Chapter Twenty
Saber
Mathias had never left so abruptly before after we’d made love. He’d simply walked away without even saying a goodbye.
I took deep, even breaths to calm myself as I heard his car pull out of the driveway and rumble off into the night.
It had been such a great evening. The dinner out. Meeting his brother Trigg. The time with the kids. Our coming together in passion as we did every night since the third day after we met had been perfect.
Now I was alone. Alone and sitting in my bed wondering what had just transpired.
I’d asked him too many questions, maybe. But only after he’d made cryptic statements that demanded more details. Not my fault. Something about him taking hormones and not being whole.
It was a problem for him, something big, something that triggered him to jump up from the bed and quickly run off. Leave me.
For a long time I sat in my bed amid all the heady fragrances of our heated love, my head in my hands, and regretted asking him anything about what he’d meant. I wasn’t stupid. I knew he was reticent, private, found it difficult to show his emotions in the open. He had hidden shames. One concerned his brother Kris, though I didn’t know the story there.
I should have been quiet. Let things rest. Let Mathias tell me whatever he wanted to say to me in his own time. Slow and methodical. Hesitant and secretive. It was his way and I didn’t mind it. I didn’t at all, as long as I could have him, keep him.
I kept replaying his words to me.You should have someone better. Someone good. An Alpha who is whole.
How could I tell him he was already everything to me, no matter what?
I touched my full belly where my new set of twins grew, wrestling more and more within me every day as if they couldn’t wait to meet the outside world.
