Page 61 of Single Omega Dad
It spoke to me. Saber wanted me with him. He wanted me to be at his house every day, every night. He wanted me.
Of that I had no doubt. No. If I had any doubts they were within me, a deep-seated conviction that I was wrong, meaning something inside me was wrong in too many ways. I wasn’t good enough for Saber and his little family. I would only be in the way. It might even be worse than that and I’d cause him harm. How could I know?
I didn’t feel the way normal people felt. Didn’t have the same responses. For me itwasnormal; the world I grew up in and came to know was very black and white, and harsh about how those sides played out.
Omega’s rights? They were a nuisance and caused trouble. Omegas treated as breeding stock? What was wrong with that when that was what they were made to be? It was how their bodies worked.
All these thoughts and more, which Father had taught as facts to us boys growing up in his strict, no nonsense household never took into account individuals and their minds, hearts and bodies. Facts were facts. People had to face them.
I never saw Omegas as individuals, not really, and I was ashamed for that sometimes, but buried it. Until Saber. Until meeting his twins and looking into Tybor’s innocent eyes.
He hadn’t asked to be born Omega, and he and his brother’s stunning need for love and acceptance from a warm and generous father was unexpected.
I simply hadn’t seen it before. Or felt it. My own Alpha father did not participate much in our rearing. He hired people to do that for him. Hired them for all but giving the tenderness every child craves. For that we had only each other.
I had never known my Omega father and never would. I’d given it no extra thought or energy.
But now my whole foundation was shifting under my feet. Saber was shifting it, and I wasn’t sure what to make of it.
The cleaned-out drawer meant everything to me. It was also a terrifying reminder of my flaws.
There was no denying a low-level bond linked us. I couldn’t stand leaving Saber anymore. At work, as I did my small duties, I was distracted by thoughts of him. All day I watched the clock, counting the minutes until my body could touch his again, until we could connect.
I pictured him with the boys, laughing with them, cleaning up after them, wiping their tears, giving them hugs.
This father, this Omega, this man had done the same for me, in essence. He gave his body to me. His affection. The now empty drawer.
I was like a child with a new toy but I wasn’t sure I completely understood it. And certainly, I wasn’t worthy.
I couldn’t even knot.
I’d taken my pills for over two weeks now. Nothing had happened.
A call to the doctor told me sometimes they took a while to bind to the system. The doctor had told me to give it another few weeks and after that, if nothing improved, he’d do more extensive tests.
I dreaded it. I put the pressure on myself to perform.
Saber was wonderful. Everything I desired. I was always hard for him. I could come inside him several times a night if we were so inclined. My orgasms ripped through me until I saw stars. Not even during my Burns did I experience such intensity.
But no knot.
I read a few online articles that said stress and pressure from the Alpha to perform could contribute to WKS, a stupid acronym for “weak knot syndrome.”
Father thought he was so proper and perfect and fine and pure. He thought he produced little pure-bred Alphas who were the best of the best, the smartest, the strongest, the most beautiful. But then came Kris, whose Omega parts were only discovered when he turned eighteen. He had every Alpha characteristic otherwise, including Burns, but atrophied organs for another sex.
And then there was me. The perfect big Alpha. Hell yeah, so rich and smart and wearing the best suits, colognes and hair gel big money could buy. And yet I couldn’t knot. The most enviable of Alpha traits, the thing that helped create the purest, most healthy offspring—I couldn’t do it.
If Father knew, he’d probably have ostracized me years ago. Or worse, made me swear to keep it a secret not because it was personal to me, but because if it got out it would shame the family name and hurt the businesses.
My face heated with shame. I practically heard Father’s voice next to me as if he were in the room with me. “If you can’t knot, you can’t be a true Alpha.”
Fuck that. Add to that, I didn’t fucking have WKS. I didn’t have weak knots. I hadnoknots. I wanted to throw my computer across the room of my office when I read that. I wanted to go somewhere dark and nameless and drink myself to death.
When I had these urges, I would flip back through Saber’s texts to me, rereading how sweet they were, how encouraging. How loving. They would make me smile and I knew something had changed inside of me. It had been changing for a while now, but the final push had come from meeting Saber and his boys.
Saber had cleared a drawer for me. The final message that communicated to me was he wanted me to claim him. That was clear and inarguable. He wanted me to claim him as much as I wanted to.
But I couldn’t.
