Page 27 of Omega Chattel
My popcorn lay in my lap untouched.
When the movie ended, I couldn’t have told anyone what we’d just watched. The genre might have been action/adventure, but I couldn’t be sure.
Turning in for the night, I wasn’t the least bit tired.
Every moment in my bed was me struggling with my body to find a comfortable position. Nothing seemed right. I tossed and turned. I took my temperature to see if I had an early onset of the Burn. I was normal.
I listened intently if I heard any creak or rustle through the walls in the room next to mine, Kee’s room. I imagined Alli in there moving around, stripping naked, getting ready for bed. I imagined him lying under cool white sheets, his body gleaming in the faint pale light from the night light in the bathroom. His body brushed with shadow and crisp linen. His body young and untouched, his yearning gaze staring upward.
Was he unable to sleep as well?
I decided I should have put him in a room downstairs, and moved Oren into Kee’s room. I had no designs on Oren, or any of the others I’d brought into my home over the years. I chose them for their neediness, or if they found me first, and I had room, I acquiesced to their needs, but I never had attraction.
They were house-mates. Even when I had my Burns every two months, I didn’t think about them. I didn’t have designs on them. I moved out for two or three days. I sought chattel.
Alli, though, made me suddenly question everything. He smelled too good. He made me think of my childhood. He made my insides tighten.
After I’d treated him to his burger dinner, which he had not kept down, I should never have brought him home.
And yet, guilt at that very thought pestered me, because he deserved as much of a chance as Oren, Tev and Farrell. And the others. I had said it to him.Everyone deserves decency and a chance.He deserved space here as much as any, as much as even Kee.
It was all my fault I was feeling this way. I hadn’t properly seen to my needs outside the Burns to maintain control. Kee had messed me up. My fault, again, for falling for that wild boy. My fault all the way.
I had unrealistic expectations. I had needs I denied until they got out of control.
When would I learn?
I had to be firm with myself. I would not allow these feelings for Alli to control me. I would not fall for the wrong boy again.
*
“I made up my time on all of it,” Alli said proudly, showing me his homework.
It was his second day of studies, his third day in my home.
I sat quietly, going over his math. Nearly every problem. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.
But he’d tried.
He got up and looked over my shoulder and I really didn’t want him that close to me. It was too nice and I needed to remember my decision to be firm. To not respond to him and drive myself into insomnia yet again tonight.
“Those are wrong?” He pointed at my big desk screen.
“Yes. You got those two right, though.”
His eyes down-turned. “Wait. All the rest of them are wrong?”
“I’m afraid so.” I didn’t want to tell him, to dissuade him. This Omega had a gentle soul. He’d been through abuse from the farm, and threats to institutionalize him. I didn’t want him to believe the decision of his abuser to send him away as unworthy could ever be true.
“You tried hard. I can see your work. But on this problem, here, you didn’t carry the one. See?”
“Oh. Such a stupid mistake. I see.”
“And here.” I showed him more of what he’d done wrong.
“I thought I was being careful.” There was a sinking tone in those words. “I don’t know why I didn’t see. I’m pretty stupid, I guess.”
“I won’t hear that, all right?” I turned to him. “That word is not allowed.”
