Page 22 of Empty Heat
This ruse had always been planned to be revealed. I was supposed to tell him the truth if he asked. How could the team, myself included, think that wouldn’t do greater harm?
Sure, some patients needed different approaches, but all were briefed on what to expect. If little lies were ever told, I was not a party to those healings. I never had been. As a sexual surrogate, my participation was always up front, honest, informative. My personal feelings stashed, I still lay naked to the patient and did as requested. I held myself in utmost control. I had excessive training. My record was impeccable.
Now I felt stained and I had only myself to blame.
The sea rippled, and deeper out toward the horizon it sent frothy white-caps into the air. Like a giant faceted gem, the ocean caught and reflected light from every angle. I wanted to immerse myself within it, erase what I had done.
Softly, Callum spoke. “I have a heat coming at the latest tomorrow. That was supposed to be part of this—this therapy. Now what do I do?”
“You can request a new therapist. And you can still meet Soren.”
“Ugh.” The sound was more of frustration than disgust. “I like Rhodes. I like you. I was getting my mind ready for tomorrow. Why did this happen?” He put his hands to the sides of his head.
“You going into heat tomorrow did not necessarily mean you were ready for sex surrogate treatment. It can wait.”
“I thought being in heat might be easier. On me.”
“I understand.”
I stood very still, obviously not knowing if he still wanted me there or not, but not willing to leave him alone at a cliffside edge.
The wind blew at our kimonos, shuddering through the soft silks with a low, choppy sound. I shut my eyes, calming my mind, listening to my own reason. I started to lay out the possibilities for Callum. Even if he wasn’t my patient, I still wanted to help him.
He could start over. It wasn’t too late. He could go through his heat like he did any time he had a heat—alone. It seemed sad, but it was no different from how he spent his heats anyway. He could get a new therapist. He could still meet Soren. Everything could move forward for him.
But right now, he wasn’t moving at all.
I opened my eyes to look at his frozen form. He had his arms clasped about his waist, his head tilted back. Leaves shimmered and fluttered. Insects droned and birds cried out. The sea folded in on itself by the shore, over and over.
“Lev,” he said softly. “Tell me again about the whistle.”
I took one step forward and began.
7
Callum –What Do I Do?
Lev was the one I liked. The one I had felt something inside me for—not like with other alphas.
I almost wished he hadn’t told me the truth. Knowing he had omitted aspects of himself and had not been honest about his assignment to my case hurt deep. I barely knew him, so it was a surprise that I felt anything. Two days wasn’t long enough. Dismissing him should be easy.
I felt his presence behind me, still and compassionate, as I stared at the sea. I didn’t want to dismiss him, damn it.
Lev didn’t pressure me. His concern over my feelings felt authentic. He knew he had done wrong and was willing to hand over my case to another, along with Rhodes, yet he stayed with me now to make sure I was okay. He’d actually apologized. His voice had cracked a little as he’d said the words,I’m sorry.
Something inside me clawed up and forward. It didn’t want him to leave. So I asked him about the whistle just so I could delay us both and hear his voice.
He spoke of the way the Caribbean was shaped like a big basin where water moves in and out every one hundred and twenty days. He repeated that the whistle could even be heard from space. Like a distant call.
I hung on every word even though I already knew the story. I wanted to hear that whistle and he’d promised to bring up the adjusted sound—for human ears—on his computer.
When I did not interrupt him, he kept speaking, telling me about currents and waves. About the uniqueness of the phenomenon.
Here we were gazing at it, in the middle of it. A whistle we couldn’t hear.
Finally, he stopped talking.
I turned to look at him. “Why Soren?”
