Page 74 of Empty Heat
All I could think when I saw Callum enter the room was:He’s crumbling and I need to catch all the pieces because only I know where they fit.
I’d felt his weeping for minutes before I saw him, like a slow decimation of my bones and skin so deep no one would be able to find it, label it, heal it.
I had met with Senta a few more times, over the past days.
The first time, he’d interviewed me, tried to get me to talk. I told him only what everyone involved in the case already knew. Callum was a beautiful omega who would end up being well and fine in the world.
Then I told him I could take no more patients as a surrogate.
When asked why, I could only shake my head.
But Senta, being a professional as much as I was, knew why. He’d seen it happen over and over.I’dseen it happen. The turnover rate of surrogates was high because when you found the one, that was it. You couldn’t think of anyone or anything else.
After a connection was formed, or a partial bond, most surrogates could not physically control the sexual act well enough to continue their services in a professional manner. The body pined too hard. If the matching mate did not feel the same, a period of grief cascaded over the one left behind. It could take up to a year to fade.
I had been turned away a second time by Callum. I left because he closed that door.
I spent the next days telling myself he was fine and I was fine and the grief I felt was hormonal. He had awakened things inside me that involved a lot more nurture and caring than I normally gave to my patients. That was all. Nothing more.
But when I could not get out of bed and stopped eating, I realized the grief was settling in.
Callum did not contact me. I thought he might. I knew I had to wait for him because I was not the right person in our duo to make the moves now. It all had to come from him, and if he wasn’t healed enough to realize that, I had to let him go back to his world, back to his life.
Senta came to my apartment, which he’d never done in five years. He’d sat with me for awhile as we talked about everythingbutwork.
Finally, he said, “Callum is very special. I can see he’s left his mark on you, Lev. But he needs to make the next move.”
I looked at him, eyebrows raised in surprise at his insight. “I know that.”
“I’m so sorry. Callum is shy and stubborn and still very young. It might not happen.”
“I know that,” I repeated, my voice unsteady.
I bent my head. My eyes stung. And then Senta held me while I cried.
After that, Senta visited me every day. He brought food. He brought his gentle omega kindness, leaving the boss part of his role behind. I’d always considered him a friend and we got along. But never had I seen how good a friend he could be.
The day Callum was scheduled to leave, Senta said to me, “He leaves this afternoon. Is there anything you want to do?”
I nodded. “I want to give him a gift.”
“That is allowed.”
Senta let me collect the toy box I wanted to give Callum. He brought me to the conference room next to his office and had me stay there so he knew where he could find me after Callum had flown.
“I will be walking him out to the plane,” Senta told me. “Please stay here. I don’t want you to be alone afterwards.”
I nodded, my throat constricting. I couldn’t go. Callum had not asked for me and I was no longer on his case.
Senta put his arms around me and I let the tears flow again. I heard the jet engine rattle the skies overhead as it came to land for the departing guests.
“Rhodes has your gift. I’ve sent him to intercept Callum with it. But I want to observe the reaction.”
I could only nod wordlessly.
Too soon, Senta was gone. I stood in the conference room and couldn’t move. The light shone through the glass doors from the seaside balcony. The sea beyond swept up to the brilliant blue sky until I could not tell one from the other.
Soon, I heard the footsteps. Senta was returning to tell me Callum had gone. I still sensed my sweet omega’s sobs in the very fibers of my being.
