Page 27 of Broken Heat
I shook my head.
“More pillows?” He smiled, gesturing to the pile I’d already made from last night.
“No. I just don’t know where you want me.”
“Where I want you?”
“Should I sit at the foot of the bed or on the floor or--? Where?”
For a second, he stared at me as if I’d just spoken another language.
“Where are you most comfortable, Elon?”
I pressed my lips tight, glancing around. “Coah liked—”
Mykel held up a hand. “Shh. For now, we’ll think about what might be comfortable for you, not someone else. Just you. This is about you. You are the focus.”
“But what if I—I don’t know?”
“Then we discuss it.”
“More talk?” I asked.
“Only if you wish.” Mykel went to the head of the bed and touched one of the half dozen pillows. “Show me how you like these arranged when you are relaxing.”
I went to the other side of the bed, facing him, and looked down. “Maybe if I’m reading or watching TV like this?” I pushed one pillow beneath another, with the second upright.
“And sleeping?”
“All around me, I guess.” I swung my arm through the air. “I like to roll over and just sink into a soft place with my arms around them.” I winced. “It’s dumb, I know. I’m sorry I’m being difficult, but I don’t know what to do.”
“You’re not being difficult at all. You’re telling me what I asked you.”
“But I’m not saying things right.”
“There are no wrong answers.” Mykel gestured to the mattress. “Let’s just sit. Let’s push the pillows behind us like cushions.”
“Yes. Yeah. That would be good.” I could do this. It was not hard. Why was I making it so hard?
Coah would have wanted all the pillows tossed. He would have wanted me on my hands and knees and ready for him, submissive in the omega breeding pose, which I did love.
We both sat.
“Are you nervous?” Mykel asked.
“What? No. Not really. I’m no virgin, I just—it’s been a long time, you know?” Was I nervous? Maybe. But it was more about doing everything right. Getting it right. I wanted my heats back and this was it.
“I realize that for many, sex can be everything from casual to a sacred act. For me, of course I have learned it as a therapy, but I also love it. It is enjoyable, like play with a depth to it that has always left me fulfilled on many levels, the highest one being if I have helped someone in any way. I have had many patients, but I’ve never thought of one of them as casual. Just wanted you to know that.”
“But—but that sounds hard, too. I mean, if you are always being altruistic, then what about you? Where do you figure into the equation?”
“However my patient needs me.”
The answer was vague and dutiful. Mykel would have barriers up, as well, I realized. It would keep us both safe.
We had settled on the bed side by side. My view was the bathroom door and the wall. The view I really wanted was him. Mykel. I wanted to look at him. I wanted him to take off his robe so I could see him.
Coah always wanted to make love in the dark. I’d seen him naked, but never during sex. Never aroused. I had kept secret for a long time that I’d wanted that visual eroticism. Craved it.
