Page 41 of Broken Heat
“But why?” I shook my head to clear it. “Change the contract and I’ll sign. You have to let me go to him.”
Senta sniffed the air and frowned. “You’re not in heat, so that’s not it.” His smile returned. “While I, and I’m sure Mykel, appreciate your concern, it’s not necessary. And our policy is quite straight-forward.”
“It must be small print, then, because I don’t remember reading that part.”
Senta pulled out his phone and tapped on the screen. “I have it here.”
I bowed my head, trying to keep my calm. “I don’t need to see it.” I let out a huff. “Please. I’m asking. No, I’m begging. Let me see him. I’m positive he would want to see me.”
“He reported his condition to me early this morning. Again, I’m sorry but you were not mentioned.”
I bit hard on my lip. “Why would he mention me? I’m his patient. He wouldn’t ask for me. He’s too professional for that.”
“You are correct.” Senta put his palms together in a sort of prayer gesture. “I know patients and surrogates form trusting and intimate relationships pretty quickly here. It’s how things work, what we’re all trained for. It’s not abnormal for patients to develop some attachment. I know you may feel you want to go to him because of that, but he needs this time away from any patients.”
I stared at him. He was saying what Mykel and I shared was one-sided. Was it? Had I imbibed all of Mykel’s concern and caring, him holding me and touching me all over, and sucking me for the first time, and interpreted it in the moment of orgasmic splendor as connection? As something more?
If so, then this entire therapy and island was sham. A big fat joke. Because if you made people care and then took that away, you were cruel. That was my conclusion.
My eyes swam. I looked at Senta, chin up and jaw clenched. At this moment, I didn’t care if he was king of the world and worth bazillions, he was an ass.
“What was going on for me was crucial to my healing. And Mykel was a part of that for me.” How could I explain? “I know he wants me near him. And maybe—maybe this specific thing is what will be the catalyst to heal me.”
Senta raised his eyebrows. “You’re trying to get your heats back. I know that.”
I interrupted. “So maybe, maybe Mykel is responding to me in a way that is outside your policy because it’s what I need. This experience was starting to open me. He told me so last night. I need to go to him. I just know it in my heart. We can help each other.”
“You are here to reclaim your heats. I feel a duty to inform you that ruts don’t necessarily induce heats in omegas.”
It was true. When Coah had ruts, I did not have heats at the same time. We weren’t attuned in that way. But something inside me whispered,This is it. How you come out the other side a functioning and healthy thirty-year-old omega again.
Mykel should never have left me last night.
“Please let me go to him. He can still communicate face to face. Ruts don’t make alphas into rapists. Please, please let me go to him and see him. If he tells me to go away, I will.”
Senta looked a little pained. “He’s in his apartment for the time being and does not want to be disturbed. Those are his words.”
“No. That can’t be.” I grabbed my phone. “I’ll text him right now.”
Senta held up his hand. “He has asked not to be disturbed. And I will ask you to respect that.”
I wanted to respect and honor Mykel. In my heart I would never harm him. But this was not right. Senta had it all wrong.
“You—you don’t understand. After—after last night, I know he’ll talk to me. I know he’ll want me to go to him. He just has to know I want to. It can be my decision, right?”
Senta put his palms flat on his knees. “I’m sorry, Elon.
He couldn’t know what happened between us last night, the tenderness, the opening of our hearts, the built-up trust. We’d only just begun.
I sat back on the couch and shut my eyes, thinking of how gentle Mykel had been, how affectionate. Caring. It couldn’t have been my imagination that our time together in each other’s arms had evolved to more.
But now I began to second-guess myself. The best surrogates treating an omega with a problem like mine would most definitely create an atmosphere of connection. How else would they get through such conditioning?
But no, I wasn’t wrong. I could still smell Mykel on my skin,inmy skin, even after showering.
My body was hard and tense—aroused. I had wallowed on his pillows. What patient did that? Unless—maybe I’d completely misunderstood the soft touches on my inner thighs, the fingers tangling gently in my hair, the way he’d held me close to his chest. No, he hadn’t just held me, he’d cradled me. He’d kissed my forehead. He’d called my name when he came.
If Senta could know that even now I scented him on the air—distant ions gathering on the horizon like a storm all spiced and tart with the sea in its arms—he’d surely change his mind.
