Page 31 of A Little Christmas: Rivi
Why was he saying this? He was a lot older than Ozzy. Yes, Ozzy had been more experienced than I was. And he was a few years older than me. But not by much. Uncle Trent wasn't being fair. Somewhere, somehow, this went deeper than thinking Briar and I weren't a good match.
“I am old enough to make decisions for myself now.” I spoke softly out of respect.
“Of course you are.”
“I like Briar.”
“He's very likeable, just a little rough around the edges. I'm suggesting you take your time.”
His last sentence was said in a firmer tone.
My heart sank. I bowed my head. I didn't want any tension between us. He was one of my favorite people throughout my life. There was no way I could continue this conversation without that tension growing. I took a deep breath.
“I'm feeling really tired after this big, long day. I think I'm gonna go to bed early.” It was the only solution I could think of to keep the peace and not come between Uncle Trent’s and Briar’s friendship.
“But dinner is just about to be served. You don't want to miss that.” He patted my shoulder and smiled down at me.
“I had so many snacks and treats today. And that big lunch. I had two sandwiches.”
He looked disappointed. But I had already made-up my mind. I couldn't stay. Christmas Eve was over.
I walked back to the table, picked up my Santa doll and hurried back to the door, opening it.
“Rivi, wait.”
“Thank you, Uncle Trent. The gift is wonderful. I love it. Good night. And Merry Christmas.”
I was out the door before he could say another word or see the tears that blurred my vision.
This wasn't working out the way I had expected. Now all I wanted to do was be alone for a while. And decide whether or not I would even attend the kink party. I had been looking forward to it, my first time seeing adult things in a safe space.
But maybe now just wasn't the right time for me.
I ran toward the stairs that led up to my room but when I got to them I changed my mind and took another turn toward other parts of the house. I'd explored this place a little when I was a child, but there was a lot, and I hadn't been everywhere. I kept walking until I found a hall that looked unfamiliar to me.
I scurried down the dimly lit corridor. I passed by several dark doors. This place was huge with so many rooms. It was intimidating and amazing at the same time.
When I got to the end of the hall there was a little bench with some pillows on it, and a hexagonal window just above. The perfect little hiding place. I curled up with my Santa and stared up at the ceiling. No sounds from the party reached this area. Everything was silent. Peaceful. It was Christmas Eve, and it felt like the world in this moment had stopped, frozen in time.
I blinked away more tears.
It was a little cold in this dim corner, but I welcomed the chill. I scrunched down into the pillows and curled myself against the cushioned back of the bench. I hugged Santa tighter to my chest.
I was going to miss putting out cookies and milk. And that feeling of believing and wondering if just maybe somewhere in some parallel universe Santa was real and making his waythrough his multiverse navigational system to our world, to our chimneys and our sparkling trees to leave a bit of magic behind.
I had wanted to share that thought with my new friends. But most especially with Briar.
Whether Uncle Trent was right or wrong in his opinion of me and Briar, I still thought I should have been able to make my own choice.
I asked myself if I would have noticed Briar in any public setting. Would he have caught my eye? Would I have caught his? I liked a lot about him physically. He was handsome and big and very daddy-like just the way I fantasized about. But it was his personality that won me over. More than anything, I felt his caring and attention to be authentic, from the heart. I didn't feel like he was just chasing me to grab a hookup for the holidays.
Was I that naive? What did Uncle Trent see that I could not?
I had no answers at the moment.
My disappointment made me a little groggy. I rubbed at my eyes, then shut them and commanded my entire body to relax.
Tomorrow was another day.
