Page 78 of Duke's Baby Deal
She stared at us a moment with a frown, then her expression cleared as she realized what was going on. “Ohhhh! Yeah, sure I’ll watch them.” She grinned. “I’d hate to interrupt you guys making them a new brother or sister.”
Duke twitched at that and I laughed. She wasn’t wrong. I wanted to carry Duke’s baby, and—in my mind—it felt like a way to become completely his. Truly wiping Justin out of my life.
Sylva’s face disappeared and only moments later, she came out the back door. “You guys go have fun. I’ll feed them and give them their baths and put them to bed. Don’t you worry.”
“Thank you!” I leaped to my feet and dragged Duke up to his. His skin felt wonderful against my palm and I couldn’t wait to feel the rest of him against all of me. I kissed the babies quickly, tickling them before I gave them to Sylva, then ran for the house with Duke.
I slammed the door behind us and attacked Duke’s shirt. Damn, but he was sexy, and in my current state, I could hardly undo the buttons for my hands shaking with need.
Duke, for some reason, didn’t seem to be as enthusiastic, despite the heavy bulge in the front of his jeans. I paused with my hands flat against his chest. “Is something wrong?”
He looked down and took my hands. His breathing was heavy, like he’d been running, and his fingers rubbed restlessly over mine. “I think we should use condoms.”
“What?” Did he change his mind?
“I just think it’s too soon. I mean, we have the twins, isn’t that enough to look after while you’re going to school?”
He didn’t want to be saddled with an extra baby to look after. “Oh,” I said after a moment. “You’re right, I hadn’t thought about how much extra work it made for you.” I started to pull my hands away from his, but his grip tightened, and I looked up at him in surprise.
“What do you mean, more work for me?” he asked. “I don’t care about that. Two babies, three, it doesn’t matter. But you’re going to have another three and a half years of courses, and some of them are going to be really hard. And that’s just for your nursing. What about after? We’ve got plenty of time to have more pups. Don’t let it interfere with your future.”
It was a hard thing to admit, but yeah, he was right. So why did it leave a painful hollow just under my heart?
I nodded and sat on the bed. Duke trailed his fingers softly over my cheek, then turned to the dresser. “I picked some up the last time I was out. I figured this would be soon.”
My voice wouldn’t work, so I just nodded and my hand went to my empty belly. I hadn’t realized how much I’d misunderstood him when we talked about this. He was halfway across the room when the sob I’d been fighting not to let him hear escaped me.
I’d never seen him move so fast in my life. He spun on his heel and was on his knees in front of me before I’d done much more than take another breath. “Bram, sweetheart, no, I’m not trying to hurt you.”
“I know that!” I pressed the heels of my hands over my eyes. “I know, I know. It’s just—” I shook my head. “Go get it. Please.”
The bed sank as he sat beside me and turned me to face him, gently pulling my hands away from my face. “It really means that much to you? You know I don’t see you as just someone to have my pups.”
“That’s just it!” I cried. “I haven’t given you any. And I want to! I want to crawl into that bed and do things that will put your baby inside me. But you’re right, and I’m mad because you are and I don’t want to force you to do anything you don’t want to because you already had to do things you didn’t want to for us and it all sucks and I hate it! I hate Justin and I hate school!”
He laughed softly. “Do you really hate school?”
“Noooo.” Oh, fuck. Now I sounded like one of the pups I’d looked after in the enclave. “I’m sorry, Duke. I’m being a baby.”
“Or just wanting one?” He pulled me close and rested his cheek on top of my head. We sat there quietly, while my body howled and snapped at me, wanting him inside right now. “I don’t mind having a baby with you. I’m a little upset that you think I don’t love those two brats out there as much as I love the big one in here.”
“I don’t think that. I just…” What did I want? “I love them, and they’re ours. But I want to have one with you because with them, it was just my heat. It wasn’t me, I didn’t choose that. I want to choose you.” I slid my arms around his ribs. “I want to feel that. I want to wake up tomorrow excited, not sick and thinking about killing myself. But I can wait.”
His grip on me tightened. “Did you really think that?”
I nodded, my cheek rubbing against his shoulder. “For a little bit. Not long, but when I first realized what happened, it felt like the only way out.”
“I see.” He rubbed my back, and I wanted to stretch and push myself into his hand. “Can you promise me something?” he murmured, his voice rumbling comfortingly in my ear.
“Anything.” I’d agree to anything, for him.
“You won’t let your grades drop. You won’t pretend you don’t need help if you do and you’ll ask for it before it turns into an emergency. I mean it. It’s not just about us, but the pack. Weneedmore skilled people. Not like your mom, with six months of school, or Mac’s aunt, who learned by doing. With this new land, the pack is going to get bigger. We’re going to need another person to keep people from getting sick, just like we’re going to need more people who can do wiring, or weld, or can saw a board.” He pulled back so I could see his face, worry and determination and pride all fighting for victory over his expression. “We need you to do what you’re doing. And I think my job right now isn’t about looking after this house, but making sure you get where you need to get, because it isn’t all about us. It’s about everyone.”
Now that he said that, I felt selfish. “Duke—”
“Do you want another baby?”
“I do, but you’re right. I have to think about the pack too.”
