Page 4 of The Omega's Alpha
Chapter Four
Aweek later, Quin still hadn’t done anything with the information Holland had given him. Instead, he shambled through his work like a zombie, running on four or five hours of broken sleep. He could do it—he’d gotten used to that overseas, sleeping light, ready to go at a moment’s notice. The only thing which had changed was that now he had a wider variety of dreams dragging him roughly from sleep. Intermingled with the nightmare memories of war came soft-footed fantasies about Bax’s cousin, broken glimpses, scents, phantom touches. Somehow, it was more exhausting here, home, than it had been there.
And most confusing, it was the dreams of Holland that upset his tenuous emotional balance the most.
He forced himself to focus on work through the day, though Bax’s occasional presence in his office brought Holland to mind and made it hard for Quin to string two thoughts together. Sometimes he wondered if Holland realized just how big an effect he had on Quin, and sometimes he wondered if—hoped, really—he was having the same effect on Holland. And then he’d feel guilty. Because it was selfish and not at all what he’d been taught were the thoughts and manners of a leader. Holland had been traumatized already once in his life—he didn’t need a man who couldn’t sleep through the night for the smell of blood in his nose and the sound of men dying around him. If Quin wanted Holland, he needed to be the kind of alpha that Holland could depend on, not one that he’d have to tiptoe around. And Quin didn’t know how to claw his way back to the man he’d been before. Not on his own.
But the thought of showing anyone what went on in his head made him sick with fear.Coward. You’re a coward. How could you charge headlong into enemy territory, but be afraid of words?
Still, he was. And maybe that was what drew him so strongly to Holland—that quiet strength and the courage the beautiful omega had, to face down a society that treated omegas as if they were brainless and worthless except as an accessory, a jewel to be shown off but not something useful. Quin was willing to bet that Holland had the potential for a lot more than he’d ever been allowed to be.
It troubled Quin enough that, on this day, he gave in to his turbulent emotions and took the afternoon off. He closed his office, asked Bax to take messages and have Abel handle any emergencies, then retreated to the apartment, locking the door behind him. He had a laptop, courtesy of Abel, and he set it up on the kitchen table to start his search.
It took two hours, but he finally found a therapist on-line. One that had experience with soldiers, one that he’d found recommendations for. And, because he knew in his gut that he couldn’t hide things from the man, one who was willing to work with a shifter and had time in his schedule to listen to Quin bleed his emotions out into the quiet room.
So Quin made his appointment, then slipped his human form and ran four-footed out to the woods at the far end of the enclave to hide from his past and his future. Except Holland. The other man shone like a beacon, like the full moon guiding him through dark forest, and Quin hooked his heart on that shimmering light and let it give him the strength he’d need to overcome himself.
Chapter Five
Nine months later…
Ididn’t needan alarm to wake me up. The first rumbling thumps of puppy feet on the floor snapped my eyes open, and I got to the top of the stairs before Beatrice could take a tumble down them. Really, we needed to get another baby gate, to replace the one that Fan had broken swinging on it, but it always seemed to get bumped down the list by other things. Like puppy clothes, and books, and Bax’s secret ‘gifts’ to needy pack members. Not that I was going to tell on him. I remembered what it was like back in Buffalo Gap. And despite the fact that Bax—and by association, me—had come up in the world by miles, we tried not to forget that not every pack member had more than the absolute minimum necessary. Not everyone could create software that even the humans would buy, or design solar panels that meant more heat and more power for the pack, or could cut a straight board or wire a house. Not everyone had a skill that let them earn beyond their pack-required service.
Kind of like me. All I’d ever been taught was omega skills—cooking, cleaning, housekeeping. I wanted to learn more. And with Bram heading outside walls, maybe I, too, could learn to do…something? But what? I didn’t know. I’d never thought about it before and, now that I had the chance, the absolute mountain of possibilities overwhelmed me. So I reverted to what I did best, or what I knew best anyway.
“Bea, hush, come on, let’s go downstairs.” I took her hand and we sat on the top stair, grinned at each other like conspirators, and bumped all the way down to the bottom on our bums.
The kitchen was still empty, but it wouldn’t be for long. Bax was an early riser by habit and training. And he had Taden still in the room with him, so even if he wanted to sleep in, he couldn’t. I felt a little guilty, because I’d stolen the extra bedroom that had been meant for Bax’s pups when I’d moved from my little apartment into the main house. At the same time, it was only right that Duke and Bram, as a newly mated couple, should have their own place. Besides, the way those two looked at each other, I was pretty sure that Bram’s imprinting on Justin was fading, though I doubted either of them realized it in the hustle and bustle of building houses and getting ready for school and dealing with two very intelligent pups. I knew it was possible, because mine had begun to fade some time in the fall, though what good that did me I didn’t know. I was still a repudiated omega, my reputation in shreds, my worth nothing because I was unable to do the one thing that made an omega worth having. Okay, maybe not the one thing, but an alpha wanted pups, and there was no reason to keep around a mate that couldn’t have them, no matter how much they enjoyed screwing around in bed. And I did enjoy it, very much.
Sure made it awkward when Abel’s brother came around.
Abel was good looking, absolutely. I didn’t begrudge Bax his handsome mate. Or his pups. Well, maybe the pups a little, though I knew the fault of that was all mine. But when his brother walked into the house, which he did all too often for my comfort?
Fuuuuuck.
Literally. That’s what I wanted to do. Unfortunately, I never met him anywhere but here at the house, and occasionally in public. Which made my wistful dreams of planting a huge kiss on that sexy mouth just that—dreams. And seriously, why would I do that and ruin my reputation more?
Could it be ruined more?
I wasn’t even sure he liked me. I thought he liked tolookat me—he certainly seemed to glance in my direction often enough. I know that he’d gotten hard at least once when he was around me. But I supposed I couldn’t blame him for not acting on it. He was Alpha, and he’d need to keep himself free to mate someone who could give him pups, someone with the connections to make his life easier. Someone, probably, who wasn’t someone else’s cast-off. I was none of those.
But a guy could dream.
I set Beatrice on her chair with a glass of milk and started to put together a batch of pancake batter. Quick, and delicious. The bottle of fake syrup in the refrigerator was half full, but sticky. I wrinkled my nose at it and set it in the sink to be washed. We had jam too—I set out a jar from the new batch of strawberry and another of peach while the cast-iron frying pan was heating.
“Pancakes?” Bax asked from the doorway. He had Taden on his hip, and he went to the freezer to get one of the teething rags out.
“Is he teething again?” I asked, and poured out tiny dollops of pancake batter to puff up in the pan.
“I think so. He hardly slept last night.”
I could see the truth of it in Bax’s eyes. “You put him in the chair and sit down while I make coffee for you.” I pulled the coffee pot out from the back of the counter.
“I can make my own coffee.”
But he shouldn’t have to, and I felt like I had to pay him back somehow. Everyone in Mercy Hills had a job. Except me. Repudiated omegas, right? Keep ‘em behind doors so they don’t shock anyone.
No, that wasn’t right, or kind. With five pups, Bax needed the help. And he was still playing the part of Alpha’s mate too, plus getting ready for something—a conference?—where the pack was going to display their new solar panels for the first time. Bax would be going to be the public face of the company. His new job.
