Page 22 of A Baby for the Firefighter
I took a sip of my coffee to gain a moment to think.
“He went on a date with someone else, so... I got drunk. And then I called him and told him I didn't want him to be on a date with some other omega.” It had seemed like a good idea at the time.
“How did he react?”
“He ditched his date and came to meet me.”
“But that's great!” My brother's face lit up. “He must like you! From the way you sounded on the phone, I was afraid you'd been rejected.”
“No, that's... not what happened.” But I couldn't get myself to look as happy as my brother. “He does like me, I think…” I said. “He told me he couldn't get me out of his head... and then he kissed me.” And that memory made me blushfuriously.
“Awwww.”
I glared at Eli. He waslovingthis. It was like he'd completely forgotten that he was here tohelpme.
“Did something else happen that makes you look like that?” Eli asked.
“No, it's just...” And this was where I had to explain.
“Your crush kisses you and you look like the apocalypse is waiting right outside the door. What's up with that?”
I took a sip of my coffee. And then another one, but still my mouth was dry. “I'm... I don't know if I can do this.”
“Do what?” Eli looked confused. “Have a relationship?”
“It's not just that, it's...” I took a deep breath. There was no easy way to say this, was there? I just had to get it out. “I'm scared.”
My big brother leaned in, his face full of concern. “What are you scared of?”
I felt transported back to a time in kindergarten when I'd told Eli about a mean kid who had tried to bully me. He'd been able to help me back then, but I wasn't so sure he could solve this problem. Still, I didn't know who else to talk to.
“I'm scared of... um... You know that feeling you get when you breathe in an alpha's scent and you kind of want to throw yourself down at their feet?”
Eli nodded slowly. “Yeah.”
“That scares the shit out of me.”
“Really? Is that why you haven't had a boyfriend?”
I hung my head in shame. “When Dean kissed me last night I didn't know whether I wanted to pull him toward me or push him away. I'm so fucked up.”
“Oh, no.” Eli laid an arm around my shoulders. “You're not fucked up. Itcanbe pretty intense and overwhelming. Maybe you just need some time to get used to it. Maybe you and Dean just need to take it slow.” He rubbed my back.
“I don't know.” I took another deep breath. “How do I even tell Dean? I don't want him to think I find him disgusting or anything.”
“I'm sure he won't think that. You two have known each other for a very long time, haven't you?”
“Yeah.”
“Did you enjoy the kiss at least a little bit?”
“It wasamazing. When I wasn't scared.”
Eli laughed softly. “You'll be fine. But you and Dean will have to talk about this. Don't make my mistake. Don't let him go because you've convinced yourself you can't be what he needs.”
I sighed. “He shouldn't have to deal with my issues.”
Eli stroked my hair. “What he wants to deal with is for him to decide. There's more to relationships than just sex, you know.”
