Page 48 of A Baby for the Firefighter
“You did what?” Eli seemed surprised, not that I could blame him.
“It just came over me!” I painted a broad stroke of green on the canvas.
Eli burst out laughing. Well, at least one of us was finding this amusing. I scowled at him, but couldn’t keep it up. I had to laugh as well. God, this was ridiculous.
“You’re amazing, little brother,” Eli said.
I stuck my tongue out at him. “It didn’t really go so well.”
“No? You can tell me, you know. Not all my sexual encounters have gone well. Did I ever tell you that I made Matt court me for weeks before I let him undress me?”
I shook my head. “No, you didn’t really talk much about that. Actually, you only told me about Matt when you were pregnant.”
He cringed. “Right. Sorry ‘bout that.”
I had to laugh again. It was so easy to talk to Eli; I didn’t know what I would have done without my big brother. I was so lucky to have him.
“So what happened last night?” Eli asked, getting us back on track.
“Not that much, really,” I said. “But I still feel kinda awful about it. I mean we were trying to sleep, you know? Just sleep. Only then I had to ask him how long he was staying in town, because I ended up wondering how long I had to get over my fears…” I bit my lower lip.
“I see. And?”
“He said he might just stay in Oceanport. Said he’s getting used to being here.”
“But that’s great.” Eli smiled. “Honestly, I was a little worried you might leave me along with him.”
“I was really happy too.” Even now I had to grin when I thought of Dean’s words. “I guess I was a little too happy. I wanted to kiss him.”
“Did you?”
“Yeah. And that would have been fine. We kiss a lot, only somethinghitme when we were lying there, and I… pulled him on top of me. And for like a few seconds, things were really good. Like,reallygood.” I shook my head as if to shake myself out of that memory before I could get caught up in it. “And then I realized what I was doing and my fear caught up with me and I froze.” I splattered some more paint on the canvas. Felt weird to be painting something so cheerful while I was in this mood. “I feel like I could have pushed through it if I’d been given a chance, maybe.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Just that Dean couldn’t get away from me fast enough as soon as I froze.” My lips curled downward. I couldn’t blame him for considering my feelings, really, but I was still annoyed with the general situation.
“I see.” Eli gave me a sympathetic look. “I’m sure he doesn’t like the idea of scaring you.”
“I know. I just can’t help it, and he’s gonna get tired of it eventually. And he’ll want to talk later, I know it, but I don’t know what to tell him.”
Eli thought for a moment. “Have you explained to him what exactly it is that scares you?”
“Not in detail. I just said that we needed to take it slow, I guess.”
“Maybe you have to give him a little more information so you can come up with a work-around together.”
“I don’t know. He’s not an omega, how would he understand?” This feeling, this all-encompassing need to please that scared me was difficult even for me to make sense of. I couldn’t expect Dean to get it when he’d surely never felt it.
“Give him a little more credit,” Eli said. “He might not be an omega, but I’m sure he knows what a hormone rush feels like.”
“I guess.” Maybe Eli was right, but I got tired of talking about this as I worked on the props. “Is Jake still as excited about the play?” I asked, trying for a lighter topic.
Eli smiled softly. “You bet.” Then his face fell just a little. “I’m not sure Conner feels the same way, though.”
“Conner?” I shot my brother a questioning look. What was wrong with Conner?
“Yeah, I watched him and Jake trying to read their lines together. I think he’s scared.”
