Page 84 of A Baby for the Firefighter
“I know. I only have the one cup to wake up,” I defended myself. “I’m not stupid, Mom.”
“But you are pregnant?”
Damn, I’d admitted it, hadn’t I? Still, at this point, I’d lost the battle anyway. She’d known the day before and seeing my baby bump now only confirmed her suspicions. “I am,” I said.So, what now?
“Is it Dean’s?” she asked without further ado. I couldn’t read from her expression how she felt about any of this.
“It is.” No reason to hide that.
She smiled, but only for a brief moment. Then she sighed, seeming tired even with the coffee in her hand. “I just don’t understand why you wouldn’t tell us about this.”
“I was going to tell you,” I said quickly.
She only raised an eyebrow at me. Yeah, I wouldn’t have believed me either. I’d screwed this up, hadn’t I?
I should have listened to Dean.
“Were you going to tell us before or after the birth?” she asked.
Her question hit me like a knife twisting in my heart. Did she really think so little of me now that we were finally starting to feel like a family again? “Before! I promise!” I tried to convince her, but then my mood shifted the other direction and I felt myself get angry.
What business of hers was my pregnancy anyway? After the way she’d treated my brother, how did she expect me to trust her with news like this?
“I just hate the thought that you’re still trying to shut me out of your life,” my mother said as if I’d hurt her in some deep way by waiting to tell her about this pregnancy.
“I’m not trying to shut you out of my life. These past months I’ve been trying my hardest to make this family a family again!” I burst out. How couldn’t she see that? The only reason I hadn’t told her about my pregnancy was because I was scared it would lead to arguments that would tear us apart all over again.
I just couldn’t stand that thought, and I couldn’t stand to argue with my mother now either. I was so tired of it.
“We’re not going to be a family by keeping secrets like that,” my mom pointed out. “Are you unhappy with your pregnancy? Is that why you didn’t say anything? Because itshouldbe good news. Especially when it’s Dean’s baby you’re carrying.” She tried to give me a smile.
And I exploded.
“Oh,mypregnancy is a good thing, is it?” I went off on her. “Because it’s Dean’s baby? Fuck that. You should be happy about any baby I’m carrying. Any baby Eli and I are bringing into this world, they’re all your grandchildren! You should love them no matter what! No matter if we have partners or not or if we plan to marry them or not!”
My mom’s eyes grew wide, but I wasn’t done yet.
“You’re proud of Eli now that he’s married and he’s about to become a vet, but you should have been even prouder of him when he was a single dad. He worked so hard.” I stopped to take a breath because I felt myself choking up. Damn pregnancy hormones.
My mother looked like she was close to crying too, and that made it even harder for me to keep my emotions in check. “Maybe we should talk at another time,” she muttered.
“Yeah, maybe that would be best,” I replied, trying to keep my voice calm.
And then, just as quickly as she’d come, she left, and I found myself standing in the kitchen by myself, wondering how I was going to fix this and if I even wanted to. I honestly couldn’t say. My emotions were a mess.
Times like this, there was really only one thing that calmed me down. Taking a deep breath, I went into the living room and picked up the clothes I’d discarded by the couch last night when Dean and I hadn’t quite made it to the bedroom before getting down to business. The memory made me smile even now, but I didn’t linger on it. Instead, I wrote a short note for Dean.
Hadto go out and get some fresh air.
See you later.
Love,
Griff.
Ipaused for a moment, then picked up the pen again.
PS: You can have the last bowl of Cheerios, but don’t touch the pickles.
