Page 65 of A Baby for the Firefighter
“Yeah, it never does, does it?” Eli rubbed my back. “Never seems like there’s enough time to put one on. And then nine months later…” He stopped. “I don’t want to scare you. We don’t even know yet whether anything really happened.”
“But what if it did?” I didn’t dare look up. “What if I’m pregnant? What do I do then?”
“We’ll figure that out when we get there,” Eli said. “But you’ll be fine, even if you are. Look at me. I’ve messed up twice and I’m alright.”
“Yeah, but you’re a lot more responsible than me. I’m not really an adult. If I could, I’d sit around in my boxers all day and watch cartoons while eating candy bars.” Sometimes I even did that when I had a day off.
“Don’t talk like that. You’ve helped me so much with Jake. You know a lot more about babies than I did when I first became a parent. You would make a great dad, I know that. My kids love you. Here, hold Livvy.”
I had to sit up straight when Eli handed his daughter to me. She’d fallen asleep while we were talking and I was careful not to wake the little darling. She was so cute when she was asleep. And when she was awake. Basically, she was always cute.
Not that I was biased or anything.
“You can’t feel sad with a warm and happy baby in your arms, can you?” my brother asked in a low voice.
“No,” I agreed, studying my niece’s sleeping face with her tiny little nose. “I do want to have a baby.” I really did. “Just maybe not so soon.”
“I know, but we’ll figure it out, if you really are pregnant. You might not be.”
“Yeah,” I said, and something was wrong with me because, despite all reason, a part of my heart hoped that I was. I sighed. How was I going to make it two weeks without knowing? I had to come up with lots of good distractions. Starting now. “I went to the hospital today,” I told my brother.
“Did you?” His face didn’t betray his emotion, but his body tensed. “How did it go? Did you get to talk to Dad?”
“Yeah. It was a bit awkward because Mom wanted me to tell him about Dean.”
Eli snorted. “Oh, that’s just like her.”
“Yeah, but something weird happened today too. Mom actually told Dad off when he wanted to lay into me for leaving.”
“Really?” Both of my brother’s eyebrows shot up. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard her criticize him.”
“Right? I was surprised too. Maybe she’s really changed.”
“Yeah… maybe.” A thoughtful look crossed Eli’s face. “I’ve been thinking about inviting her to come see the play.”
“Jake’s play?”
“Yeah. I know she really wants to see the kids, and this way she could see Jake without the two of them actually interacting. I don’t want to introduce Jake to her now and then have her do a 180 when Dad’s released from the hospital, you know?”
I nodded, knowing how protective my brother was of his children. Even inviting our mom to the play would be a huge step for him. “I think that’s a great idea.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. She’s going to love Jake. Everybody does.”
Eli gave me a smile at that. “True. He’s the best, and super pumped about this play.”
“I’m sure it’ll be great.”
“I hope so.”
I returned my brother’s smile. Maybe everything would turn out for the best somehow. Or it wouldn’t, and I was doomed. Anyhow, nothing to do now but wait.
28
Dean
Icouldn’t sleep. The whole week after Griff and I had first had sex, I got maybe two to three hours a night at most. Either I couldn’t get my mind to shut off enough to doze, or I was engulfed by flames in my dreams and woke with a racing heart. I didn’t blame Griff for that, of course. No, the hours I spent with him were the only time I felt truly at peace with myself. It was simply impossible for me to beat myself up when I was around him. His laughter had always been infectious. It was one of those little things I loved about him that hadn’t changed since our childhood.
