Page 73 of A Baby for the Firefighter
“No?” Had something happened to him before coming here?
He licked his lips again. “There was a fire before I left. A bad one.” He shook his head. “The house belonged to an old lady.” There was so much pain in his voice that I wanted to hug him, but it was probably better if I let him finish his story first.
“What happened?” I asked to prod him along.
“I tried to get her out. I could see her, but before I could get to her, the floor gave way beneath my feet. I broke in and I was trapped by rubble.” He took another deep breath, and I squeezed his hands. I couldn’t even imagine going through all that. It must have been horrible, being trapped like that. I got the feeling, though, that for Dean, not being able to save that old lady had been the worst part.
“A colleague got me out eventually,” he continued. “My injuries weren’t too bad, but I still asked for a break from work when I was released from the hospital.” He let out a breath, shaking his head. “I can’t get the memory of her out of my head.”
Of course he couldn’t. If Dean thought he was the reason this woman had died before her time, it would haunt him forever. No wonder the campfire had made him look like that, if this was the memory it called up.
“I’m so sorry that happened to you,” I said, letting go of his hands just so I could circle my arms around his back and rest my forehead on his chest, tucked under his chin, burrowing close. “You can’t blame yourself, though. I’m sure you did everything you could. I’m proud of you, no matter what. It takes a lot of courage to run into a burning building.”
Dean chuckled softly. “I don’t know about that. One time when we were called to a house fire, we had to stop a frat guy from running in to save a case of beer.”
I had to suppress a laugh at the image. “Okay,” I said. “It takes asaneperson a lot of courage to run into a fire.”
“I know.” Dean sighed. “I just always feel like there’s something more I should have done.”
“I understand,” I reassured him, feeling him embrace me. “But it’s not true.”
“How can you know that?”
I looked up at him. “Because I know you.” From the time we were young, my friend had always looked out for everyone. If there was anything he could have done, he would have done it. He just cared that much. Of course, it was that same caring that was eating him up inside now. “Is this why you haven’t been sleeping?”
He sighed. “Yeah,” he finally admitted.
“Because you took that job at the fire department?” That was when this had started, wasn’t it?
“Kind of?”
He really didn’t like to talk about this, did he? “Maybe you need to put that job on hold for a while.”
He shook his head. “I’ve already let enough time pass. Going on a break didn’t help, so I figured I’d take it head-on.”
“But that’s not working so well either, is it?”
“I guess not.”
I could tell that it was not easy for him to share this with me, but I loved that he did anyway. “Maybe it’s time for a career change,” I suggested. Hadn’t he saved enough people? I would sleep easier too, if I knew he never had to enter another burning building.
“I can’t just stop being a firefighter,” he said. “It’s who I am. I don’t know what else I would even do.”
“Open a bakery?”
He laughed, as if I’d meant it as a joke. I hadn’t, but for the time being, I was just glad to hear him laugh. “And bake for someone other than you? Wouldn’t you feel betrayed?”
“You bake for the seniors all the time, and I cope,” I reminded him.
“I guess you’re just awesome like that.” He kissed the top of my head.
“I guess I am.” I grinned. “Are you ready to go back to the others? Should we just hide in our tent instead?” Absentmindedly, I played with the hem of his shirt. I couldn’t wait to be in a tent with him to show him just how much I loved him still—and always.
“I think I can manage the fire if I can hold on to you.”
I leaned up to kiss him. “You can hold on to me any time.”
“I’ll take you up on that promise,” he said, tightening his hold on me for a moment before letting go so we could walk back to the fire.
