Page 18 of The Omega's Surprise Baby
We managed to get away before the old man said anything truly revealing, but once we were in the car, I realized Shanewasgoing to find out sooner or later. Even if he'd been too much of a good guy to google me so far, that couldn't last forever. Too many people knew. One of them would tell him. It was only a matter of time.
There was a good chance the whispers would reach him at the wedding tomorrow. So I had to decide, was I going to let him hear it from someone else, or would I tell him myself?
The choice to make was obvious, but it wasn't easy. I hated talking about this. Hated not knowing how Shane would look at me when he knew. Hated that it already mattered so much.
He sat on the bench but I kept standing, too tense to sit. It was weird. I'd been so relaxed earlier when I was playing. I could perform for a full stadium and feel comfortable in my skin doing it, but when I had to drop my stage persona to actually talk to people... ugh. Made me feel way more naked than singing my soul out ever did.
“You look nervous,” Shane observed. “Are you still thinking about the asshole in the parking lot?”
“Not exactly.” I turned the beer he'd handed me in the kitchen over in my hands. “I expect to run into at least one or two judgmental assholes wherever I go. But that's not making me nervous. I can deal with that.” I didn'tlikeit, but I was certainly getting used to it.
“You shouldn't have to deal with that.”
I shrugged. “Maybe not... But I've done some pretty stupid things. Not things I really wanted to do, but things I thought I had to.” God, I was never going to get it out, was I?
Shane opened his beer, never taking his eyes off me. “What did you do? Not that I think you could have doneanythingto warrant that kind of treatment.”
I gave him a small smile, only because he sounded so convinced. What would he think when I told him? Would he look at me the same way the alphas in the city did? Like a second-class piece of meat they could chew up and spit out when they were done?
For a moment, I closed my eyes and inhaled.
Please don't look at me like that.
But there was only one way for me to find out if he would.
Somehow, I got the words out. “There's a sex tape of me going around the internet.”
For a second or two, silence stretched between me and Shane. Disbelief shone on his face. He had no idea what to say. Of course not. How did you react to someone telling you about their sex tape? In a moment of irrationality, I almost wished hehadgoogled me before I came here. Then I wouldn't have to explain now. He wouldn't have been so nice to me, and I wouldn't find myself hoping beyond hope that he wasn't like all the other alphas. I wouldn't be feeling this pointless attraction to a guy I could never have.
“A sex tape?” Shane asked eventually, as if he wasn't quite sure he'd heard right.
“Yes, a sex tape,” I confirmed, repeating the words to drive the point home. I needed him to get this, and then I needed to see what he really thought. “It went viral. I was convincedeveryonehad seen it.”
“I haven't spent much time on the internet lately,” he said, as if he had to apologize for this fact. “I've had a lot on my plate. Honestly, they could have played the thing on TV and I probably wouldn't have seen it.”
I cringed at that idea.
“Sorry,” he said quickly. “I'm not trying to say they should have done that. You don't seem very happy about this video being on the internet.”
“I'm not. I... didn't even know I was being filmed, to be honest.” I sighed, hands tightening around the can of beer. “I was so fucking naive.”
Shane licked his lips. “Is that what brought your career down? Some asshole uploading that video to the internet? I mean it's fucking horrible and I wish I could punch the bastard who did that, but... you're not the first celebrity with a sex scandal.”
“Yeah, well...” I scratched the back of my neck. “It might not have created as much of a fuss if I'd been with my boyfriend or something... in that video, I mean. It wasn'tjusta sex tape.”
“What do you mean?”
I cracked my beer open to buy some time before I had to speak again, and to give my hands something to do. Shane wasn't looking at me with judgment in his eyes yet. He was curious, but he wasn't sneering or anything. He understood that sex was something people engaged in, even outside of relationships, didn't he?
“I... fucked my producer,” I confessed to the stupidest thing I had ever done.
Shane's expression was unreadable. I couldn't tell what he was thinking at all, and that was almost more nerve-racking than if he'd displayed outright disgust. Yes, I fucked my producer. Yes, I did it to advance my career. Or rather, I did it so I wouldn'tlosemy career. Still, I shouldn't have done it. I was ashamed of myself. I understood why people thought less of me when they found out. Growing up, I'd been taught that it was wrong for an omega to have sex outside of a serious relationship. That I had to keepmy urgesunder control. My family had mated me off not long after I'd experienced my first heat to help me accomplish just that. A bitter smile bloomed on my face at the memory.
I didn't believe everything my family had taught me. No, I was over that. But having sex outside of a relationship was one thing, and having sex to get a leg up in my career was an entirely different thing. Even regular people found the latter despicable.
Lowering my head, I looked at the wooden floor at my feet instead of Shane. “Now you know...”
Finally, he spoke. “When we started this conversation, you said you'd done a lot of stupid things. You also said they were things you didn'twantto do.”
