Page 13 of A Baby for Christmas
And now I realized that I had no one to share that information with. Sure, I could have called Ben and he would have let me ramble at him, but he'd already done enough for me today. I'd promised him I wasn't going to bother him with this baby, and yet I'd totally dragged him into this. It had felt good to have him with me at today's appointment, but I couldn't fool myself into thinking it was always going to be this way. Absentmindedly, I stared at the origami dog sitting next to my laptop. He'd been so sweet to make that forme.
Why did he have to be so stubborn about not wanting to be a parent? I knew the reason, of course. He'd never told meexplicitly, but I wasn't stupid. I could tell he was terrified of turning into his own father. After seeing what the man had done to him and his omega father, I couldn't blame him for the damage he'd taken. I'd tried to help him out, but all I could ever do was patch up his wounds—and not even all of them. He carried scars in places my hands couldn't reach, no matter how hard Itried.
It was why we didn't work out as a couple, in the end. Ben might think the baby thing was our only issue, but I was just as frustrated by the fact that he wouldn'tlet me in.At least not all theway.
Sighing, I got up from the couch, taking the origami dog with me. I went into my bedroom, opened my dresser and pulled out a cardboard box. When I took the lid off, it revealed a collection of paper cranes. I'd kept every single one Ben ever made for me. It wasn'ta thousand, but it was a lot. This was only one of the boxes I'd needed to store them all. The other two were in the attic, but I'd wanted at least one close by. Ben had left encouraging messages on some of the cranes, like, 'Don't let them get you down. :) ' or, 'I'm rooting for you.' I still liked to look at them sometimes when I knew I had a stressful dayahead.
Now I put the dog inside with the cranes and put the lid back on the box. Maybe it was time to take this up to the attic too, but somehow I couldn't get myself to move in that direction,. Finally, I gave up and just shoved the box back into the dresser. Fornow.
Back in the living room, I picked up the ultrasound picture that also lay on my coffee table. At least that put a smile on myface.
And yet, doubts came creeping in. Had I made the right choice? Did I really want to do this all by myself? Never have anyone to share the big moments with? Suddenly, it seemed like a daunting task. Who would I tell when Baby took his first steps? Whose shoulder would I cry on when I had to leave them behind at kindergarten for the firsttime?
I plopped down on the couch and ran a hand through my hair. Maybe it was time to start dating again. Try to find someone now while I wasn't showing yet. Make someone fall for me so hard they'd stay for thebaby.
Even if it didn't work out, at least it would take my mind off Ben for awhile.
9
Ben
"Fetch, Cooper,"I shouted, throwing the tennis ball in a high arc over the grass in the park. Spring was coming, the snow had started to melt, and the weather was perfect to provide my furry friend with some exercise. He appreciated it too, barking and chasing after the ball like a dog on a mission. I had to laugh a little, watching him. He'd grown a lot over the past few weeks, but his personality had remained that of an excitedpuppy.
Seeing as he'd stopped actually peeing on everything like an excited puppy, I was cool with that. Cooper kept me company so I didn't get too lonely, even though I hadn't heard too much from my best friend in a while. I wondered what he was up to, but I figured he was just busy with work and preparing for the many changes the baby would make in his life. Part of me wanted to check in on him every day, but I knew that was my alpha instincts going crazy because of the baby, so I tried to backoff.
I really didn't expect to run into him at thepark.
Or that he wouldn't bealone.
He came down the gravely path, holding hands with some other alpha. Wait. I recognized that alpha. It was Aaron fucking Keller. I knew the two of them worked together at the school, but I'd never thought Robin would go out with the bastard who used to shove him into the lockers in middle school. Did he havenosense of self-respect?
As if sensing the thought I was directing at him, Robin looked up and our gazes met. His eyes went wide, his mouth forming a small O before his features smoothed over. Then he waved at me and the dog. "Oh hey, Ben! Cooper! I didn't know you two would be heretoo!"
Obviously.
"Cooper and I come here all the time," I said lamely, stepping up to Robin and his...date, while still keeping an eye on the dog who was now starting to tear the tennis ball apart. I didn't stop him. Looking at Robin and Aaron's linked hands, I kind of wanted to tear a tennis ball aparttoo.
"I didn't realize." Robin scratched the back of his neck. "Anyway, you rememberAaron?"
I forced a smile on my face. "Of course I do." What I really wanted so say was, 'What are youdoing?" But I kept those words inside. I'd learned by now that Robin didn't care whether or not I approved of his boyfriends. As well he shouldn't. He was free to choose his own partner and make his own dumb decisions. But damn if it wasn't painful to watchsometimes.
Today, it seemed to hurt even more than usual, anger at Aaron burning in my chest. I knew it was just some stupid alpha thing, though, and I wasn't going to let it get the better ofme.
"Aaron's changed a lot since we were children," Robin said, apparently feeling the need to explain himself, even though I hadn't asked. "We've been seeing each other for a little whilenow."
As Robin spoke, I glanced at the smug bastard next to him. Did he know? About thebaby?
"I haven't changedthatmuch," Aaron said, waving his hand. "But I suppose we all change a little as we growup."
I gave him a tight smile, unable to imagine that he was a much different person now than he had been when we werechildren.
I couldn't ask him, not now while the bastard was around. Robin didn't seem to know what more to say either. Instead he approached my puppy to pet him. Of course. Robin adored that dog just as much as I did, and the puppy felt the same way about Robin, happily wagging his tail as Robin stroked his fur. Something tugged at my heart as I watched the two of them together. They made a happy picture, even in this tense situation. I only wished it could be real. That we could be a family. The dog, Robin andI.
And thebaby?
I bit my teethtogether.
"I think Aaron and I should get going," Robin saideventually.
