Page 20 of A Baby for Christmas
"Just..." Should I tell him? What better time than now? If I let this chance slip me by, he might have another boyfriend in a couple of days. Everything in me cramped up at the thought. "I was just thinking how much I really want to be there for you. And for thebaby."
Robin shot me a look that I didn't know how to interpret. "You mean you'll drive me to all the appointments? And to thehospital?"
"I guess that's part of it." Not sure how to tell him what I needed to tell him, I ran a hand through my hair. The movie had become nothing but background noise for both of us. "I mean, I want to be there for you and the baby even after the baby isborn."
My friend cocked an eyebrow at me. "You want him to know you're his father, afterall?"
"I think we should be open about it. Maybe people would leave you alone then too. If we were anitem."
"An item?" Robin stared at me. "Are you taking pity on me orsomething?"
"It's notpity."
"Then what is it? Because what you're saying is going against everything you ever told me you wanted." Robin was growing agitated now, half getting up from the couch. The puppy fell off him with a short indignant bark. "I've made peace with the fact that I can't have those things from you, so don't..." He trailed off as if suddenly losing steam. "Don't do this to me, Ben." His words were nearly a whisper. "Don't fuck with me. I can take getting my heart broken by other alphas. But not you. Notagain."
I didn't know what to say. Robin’s expression was so open and vulnerable and the right words just wouldn't come to me. I wanted to promise Robin everything, but how could I, when I didn'tknowif the future we dreamed about was possible? "I'm not saying this out of pity," I said finally, catching Robin's gaze. "I want us to work. I want us to try again. I'm thinkingmaybe—"
Gently, Robin laid a finger on my lips, shushing me. "Maybe isn't enough for me right now. I'm so tired of never being enough for the alphas I'm with. I don't want to be in a relationship with you that you don't want, not really. I've been thinking I need to just stay single for a while, until this baby is born, until I've got my life figured out all over again. More than anything, I need you to be my friend rightnow."
I could only nod as Robin finished speaking. I wasn't going to push him into anything he didn't feel ready for. I could wait, for however long it took for him to see that I was being serious. Just so long as I knew... "You're not going to be dating for awhile?"
He actually laughed a little. His mood turned so swiftly I actually wondered if it was pregnancy hormones making him act this way. "No, don't worry. Your alpha instincts will be spared fornow."
Well, at least that was good news. Robin settled back on the couch next tome.
"I think we need to start the movie over," hesaid.
"Yeah, sure." I grabbed for theremote.
Start over... wasn't that exactly what Iwanted?
13
Robin
I'd never thoughtthat Ben would come on to me again. But what surprised me most was that I turned him down. I'ddreamedof having another chance with him, hell, I'd even asked him for it. When it came down to it, though, I knew it wasn't a good idea. Not like this. Not while I didn't even know if the only reason he was asking was some out of whack alpha instinct the baby stirred in him. I didn't want to break up with him again once I wasn't pregnant anymore and he came to his senses. No thank you. Better to be single allalong.
Even if that meant that people stared at me as I walked through the supermarket. I swear, some of the alphas looked at me the same way they looked at the beef steaks on display in the meat section. Fuck them, I needed to stock up on food. I'd told Ben I didn't get any weird food cravings, but pickles sounded really good right about now. Pickles with ketchup maybe. I knew Ishouldbe grossed out by that idea, but in my head, it sounded perfect. And maybe I'd have some peanut butter ice cream afterward. So what if the cashier would think my food choices questionable? Everyone was already talkinganyway.
In some way, having my reputation ruined was incrediblyliberating.
Who would havethought?
I'd almost made it to check-out when my phone rang. I might have ignored it if I hadn't seen Ben's name flash up on the display. What could he want? Was he up for another movienight?
"What's up?" I said, answering thephone.
Ben sounded harried. I hadn't heard him like that in long time. Not since he'd decided to cut ties with his parents. "There's something wrong with the dog," hesaid.
"What do you mean? What happened?" In my mind, I was already calculating how long it would take me to get over to get over to Ben's place. If I hurried, I could make it in twentyminutes.
"Remember how tired he was last night? He was still like that this morning and he wouldn’t eat, so I figured I'd call the vet and he made me come in, even though it's a Sunday, I mean, I knew something was wrong then, youknow?"
"Breathe, Ben," I said, even while concern was winding its way around my own heart. I didn't want anything to happen to Cooper. He was the sweetest little dog ever. He didn't deserve anything happening tohim.
"The vet's keeping him overnight," Bencontinued.
I cringed. That sounded bad. "I'm at the supermarket right now, but I'll come over to your place, okay?" Even as I was speaking, I went up to the shelves and threw some easy to heat up chicken soup into my cart. I doubted my friend was in the mood to cooktonight.
