Page 9 of The Dragon's Perfect Omega
"Keep what to myself? Your words?" Derick's eyebrows drew together. "You wouldn't be so worried if you'd just been joking, but you weren't, were you?" He eyed me intently. For a moment, I was afraid that he wanted me to respond, but then it seemed he didn't need me to. He came to his conclusions all by himself. His voice turned soft. "I'm not a homophobe, you know? I couldn't have traveled with the guys if I was. Two of them are married to men." He gave me a small smile that I could only assume was supposed to be reassuring. He didn't know what it was like, though, to live with these...cravingsI didn't want to have.
Why couldn't I just be normal?
"It's okay, Zim," Derick continued when I didn't say anything. "I'm not gonna judge you. I mean, I'm as straight as they come, but even I can tell those dragons make for some damn nice eye candy. Can't blame you for liking what you see."
"I'm not... it's not... I'm going to marry Kathy."
"Okay," Derick said slowly, as if he was about to approach a squirrel that was easy to spook and scare away. He glanced around himself as if wondering if the hotel's men's room really was the right place to be having this conversation, then soldiered on nonetheless. Even while I wished he'd drop the topic. "Do you love Kathy?"
"Of course I love Kathy."
"As more than a friend, I mean."
I froze. If I was being honest, I didn't know what it felt like to love someone as more than friends. But Kathy knew that. She was fine with it. This was none of Derick's business, really. "Kathy and I are fine," I said shortly.
"That's not what I asked." Derick sighed. "But I guess it answers my question anyway. Damn, Zim, I had no idea you were... Does anyone know?"
"No! You can't say anything! Not to anyone!" I pleaded with him. Screw my dignity. This couldn't get out. I didn't really want to get on my knees in a public bathroom—just think of all the germs!—but if I had to, I would! To underline my point, I grabbed on to Derick's arm, forgetting that I was still holding a piece of paper. A piece of paper I hadn't wanted him to see.
Too late now. The paper fell out of my hand and sailed to the tiled floor. My breath froze in my lungs.
"What's that?" Derick picked it up before I could.
I said nothing as I watched him unfold and read it. What could I say? The note was pretty obvious. To my surprise, my friend laughed when he was done reading.
"Is this what made you run and hide in the bathroom?" He shook his head a little, an amused expression adorning his face. "Itoldyou that dragon had a thing for you. I was right, wasn't I? You got this from Lowen?"
"You could look a little less proud and victorious." I snatched the piece of paper back from my friend. "So what if Lowen is hitting on me? That doesn't mean I invited it, or that I have to do anything about it. I've got my life planned out and there's no room in it for—"
"No room for a one-night-stand?" Derick looked at me, head tilted. "Don't be so stuck up. This might be your last chance to experiment a little bit before you 'live the rest of your life." With his fingers, he made quotation marks in the air.
"What are you trying to say? That I should take him up on the offer?" After so long not being able to find the words, they seemed to come out of me all at once, like a volcano erupting and spewing lava everywhere. I couldn't hold anything back. "I can't do that! What if someone sees us? What if my parents find out? I'd be done for. I'd bebranded.All of my plans would be over."
"Dude," Derick interrupted me. "It's only one night. What are you so scared of? That you might like it?"
With those words, he took the wind out of my sails, hitting the nail on the head.
Iwasscared that I would like it, because then what? How would I stay away from temptation in the future? It was difficult enough now, when I didn't even really know what I was missing. I couldn't be gay, though. My whole life would fall apart.
Derick's voice turned a little softer. "You know why I go on all those trips and shit? To figure out what I want in life. My options and all that. It can be scary as fuck to find out something about yourself you don't like, but in the end, I think it's even scarier to think there's parts of yourself that you don't know at all, that you're leaving unexplored."
I ground my teeth together, looking at Derick. I hadn't expected this level of introspection from my friend. "What if you already know what's there and that's why you don't want to look?" I suggested. "Some things are better left alone."
"Yeah, maybe, but unless you take a risk you'll never know for sure. I'm not asking you to change your life, Zim. I'm asking you to give yourself one night."
"Why is this so important to you?"
Derick shrugged. "You're my friend. I guess I want you to be happy. In the end, it's all up to you." He glanced at the door to the rest room. "I think I'm gonna head back out. Are you coming?"
Was I? "I don't know. I think I've embarrassed myself enough."
"Suit yourself," my friend said before leaving me and the bathroom behind. I could just picture him telling the others that I had indigestion or something. Whatever. Why should I care what a bunch of dragons thought about me?
I went to the sink to splash some water into my face, and then I left the facilities. Glancing in the direction of the bar, I spotted the table where Derick was sitting with the band. Only there were three people now when there should have been four. I didn't have to get closer to be able to tell that the drummer was missing.
Before I could do anything about it, my heart skipped a beat. Had Lowen gone back to his room?
Was hewaitingthere for me?
