Page 32 of Roommates
“You know how sometimes you say I smell really good?” I started.
“Yeah? I mean, I say that because you do.”
“You weren't supposed to pick up on my scent.”
Adam's forehead creased. “What are you talking about?”
Licking my lips, I rose from my bed and stepped up to my desk. In a few swift motions, I dug my pills out of their hiding place in my drawer. I showed them to Adam. “These are heat and scent suppressors.”
Adam eyed the objects in my hand intently, brows drawing together. “What are you doing with those?”
My stomach sank. I really had to say it, didn't I? “I'm not a beta, Adam.”
“But you...I thought you were...” My roommate's mouth hung open. He looked as if I'd just told him that the earth was flat after all. “If you're not beta then... how...? Did you forge the documents? Is that even possible?”
“I didn't forge anything. I tested as beta when I was ten.” Adam looked only more confused, so I went on to explain what had happened—as well as I understood it anyway. “You know they test for certain hormones to be present in your blood. If you have one of them, you're omega, if you have the other, you're alpha. If your test comes up negative for both, you're beta.”
“And yours came out negative?” Adam's eyes were narrowed—not in anger, but in concentration. He was too focused on figuring out this conundrum in front of him to be getting mad at me yet.
“Mine came out negative,” I confirmed. “I was kind of relieved, honestly. It's not as great as testing alpha, but I figured it could have been worse, you know?” A grim smile found its way on my lips.
“My parents tell me I started to develop this omega-like scent about a year later, but for a while we just figured I took after my papa. But it just kept getting stronger until we couldn't deny what was happening any longer. The test had been wrong about me.”
“But how?” Adam asked again.
I shook my head. “Normally the hormones responsible for making me omega would have been there by the time I was ten, but I was taking some medication as a child, that we later found out could delay the process. I don't know if you remember, but it was a huge scandal when this side-effect was first discovered.” I studied the green and blue pattern of the bed sheet underneath my fingers. “There's probably lots of people who tested wrong around that time. They never managed to follow up with everyone who'd taken the drug and my parents and I.... we figured it was a chance for me. I never... I didn't...” Swallowing, I looked up at Adam. “I didn't want to live my life as an omega if there was another way.”
Slowly, Adam nodded, processing this. Did he truly understand, though? How could he? Eventually, he started to speak, brows knitted together. “All this time... you were omega. God, you must think I'm so stupid. I could smell it, but I didn't get it.”
“I don't think—”
“Why didn't you tell me?”
“I never tell anyone! I wouldn't even be telling you now if I wasn't....” I stopped myself, realizing this was not the best way to be having this conversation. Was this the effects of that famed 'pregnancy brain' I'd been hearing about? It seemed impossible to keep myself calm and collected.
“What's making you tell me now?” Adam asked, latching on to what I'd said. “Did you finally decide that you could trust me?” I glimmer of hope shone in his eyes. I was loathe to extinguish it, but I knew that I had to. I had to tell him the truth. All of it.
“Do you remember that night we first slept with each other?” I asked. “That happened because I was in heat and my suppressors failed me when you kissed me.”
“You're making it sound like you didn't want it. Oh God, you didn't, did you? That's why you were so uncomfortable the morning after.” Adam dragged a hand down his face. “I thought it was just that you'd never had sex with a guy before.”
I gave him an awkward smile, remembering that morning and what had gone through my head.
“Actually, I'd never slept with anyone before. Guy or girl. I couldn't.”
“Until I came along and took advantage of your heat.” For a second there, Adam looked like he was going to be sick.
“You didn't take advantage of me. You couldn't know.”And I was willing...
“Ishouldhave known. What kind of alpha am I that I can't recognize an omega in heat? For fuck's sake!”
Of all the outcomes this conversation could have had, I'd never expected Adam to blame himself.
This was not what I'd wanted. Well, truth be told, I hadn't wanted any of this, but this I'd wanted least of all. Maybe he'd change his mind when he realized what else I had to tell him. “We had sex when I was in heat and we didn't use protection. You know what that means, right?” I was pretty sure I didn't have to spell this out for him.
Adam stared at me, and I thought I could see the gears in his head turning, slowly picking up speed as understanding dawned on him. “You're...” His eyes darted to my belly, even though I was far from showing.
“I am,” I replied to his unspoken question. “But I can't be.”
