Page 54 of Mating of Convenience
That meant it was negative, didn’t it? Or maybe I simply hadn’t waited long enough yet.
Stop being ridiculous,I told mentally. But still, I kept staring at the stick for another minute, until I could be absolutely sure that the result wasn’t going to change.
I was not pregnant.
Of course not.
I’d expected that.
So why did it still sting to have my suspicions confirmed?
I pulled my pants back up and threw the test stick into the trash can. I should be happy that I wasn’t pregnant. It wasn’t the right time. Nathan and I had barely been back together for a month and neither of us were settled in our careers yet. Hell, I’d never wanted kids and my lack of fertility should have been a blessing.
But it didn’t feel like that.
I’d actually wanted that stupid test stick to be positive.
Struck with this realization, I didn’t know what to do.
Cover up the evidence.
Right. I made myself move, tearing some toilet paper from the roll, bunching it up and throwing it into the trash can until the test stick was obscured from sight. Nathan didn’t need to know about this. I didn’t want to see the disappointment in his eyes. He’d try not to let it show, sure, but I’d still see it.
And as if thinking of him summoned him, Nathan knocked on the door to the bathroom. “Everything okay in there?” he asked. “How do you feel about watching that movie tonight? You know, the one with the car that comes to life. I found it on Netflix.”
“I’ll be out in a minute,” I told him, flushing the toilet. At the sink, I washed my face as well as my hands. Anything that would help me get my shit together. It was a good thing I’d learned how to hide my feelings when my mom died. I’d fooled everyone.Almosteveryone.
Studying myself in the mirror, I checked my smile, wondering if it was bright enough to convince Nathan. I didn’t like wearing a mask around him, but it was only for a little while; just until I figured out how I could give him what he wanted--what he deserved.
When I exited the bathroom, my alpha was waiting for me in the living room, sitting on the couch with a pet magazine in his hands and the dog curled up by his feet, sleeping after the long walk. Nathan looked up as I stepped into the room. “How was work?” he asked.
“Fine,” I said with a light shrug. “Don’t tell anyone, but Laurence confessed to me that his ex might not actually be his kids’ biological father.”
“Oh, really?” Nathan put the magazine aside, clearly intrigued by what I was telling him. “Does the ex know that?”
“No. Laurence said he’d be livid if he found out.” I probably shouldn’t be sharing this news with anyone either, but I knew Nathan wasn’t going to start any rumors, and I hoped that talking about work would help take my mind off other things. No such luck, though…
“I can only imagine,” Nathan said. “Imagine finding out that you’re not your kids’ father.”
“Shared genes aren’t the only things that make you a father,” I threw in, feeling myself grow irritated for reasons I couldn’t even properly articulate. “I mean, there’s tons of couples that adopt.” AndnowI knew why the topic rubbed me the wrong way. There was a part of me that thought maybe adoption could be an option for me and Nathan if I couldn’t…
I wrapped my arms around myself, willing these thoughts to go away. No point in obsessing about the baby thing.
“Sure there’s couples that adopt. Nothing wrong with that. But that’s not really what this is about, is it?” Nathan got up from the couch and peered at me with his dark, intelligent eyes. He was sweet, but he wasn’t stupid, and every time he looked at me like that, I knew he saw more than just my physical appearance. I could smile all day and I wouldn’t fool him. “Is everything all right?” he asked.
“No,” I admitted. Partly because I realized that I couldn’t hide from Nathan, and partly because I realized that I didn’t want to.
“Tell me what’s wrong?” Nathan took my hand and guided me to the couch. I let him.
“It’s just… What if we can never have a child?”
“We’ve talked about this, Angel.” He ran his fingers through my hair in a way that was almost soothing and I didn’t resist the urge to let myself be lulled into a sense of security by his words, by his presence. “I didn’t mean to say that I wouldn’t want to adopt if it comes to that. I know family is more than blood. Don’t you know how much Caleb and I love our stepfather?”
“No, I know that.” I rested my head in my hands. “I don’t know why this is bothering me so much, but I want it to be something we can talk about. I don’t want you to walk on eggshells around me, trying not to scare me away. I’m not leaving again. You have to believe me.”
“I believe you, angel.” He pressed his lips to the side of my face. “I just want you to be happy.”
“That’s what I want for you too.”
