Page 58 of Mating of Convenience
“Don’t be so prickly, Nathan,” Grandma admonished. “You’ll just have to snuggle really close.”
Raph nodded along with her. “We always snuggle close, don’t we, Nathan? It won’t be a problem.” He turned to Grandma again. “Nathan is a real snuggle-bug. I swear some nights he grips me like a koala baby and won’t let go even if I have to go to the bathroom.”
I felt the skin of my face heat up as if I was a little boy again. I should have known that Raph would get along splendidly with Grandma. They both took the same delight in voicing wholly inappropriate thoughts out loud just to see everyone’s reactions. Or at least that was why Raph did it. I was never really sure about why Grandma did anything.
The old lady gave my omega a smile now. “I told Nathan to hold on to you no matter what. I’m glad he’s taking my advice.”
Aw. That was almost a little sweet. Or it would have been, if she hadn’t immediately followed those words with, “Look, did you see this hole in the underwear? That’s where your penis goes.”
“Oh!” Raph examined the hole, holding the underwear close to his face. “So I don’t make a mess of myself when things heat up, right? That’s genius! Isn’t that genius, Nate?” He whirled to me with the biggest grin. “Do you think we should try it on?”
“I’d rather not.”
“He’s always been a prude, our Nathan,” Grandma said with an air of regret in her tone.
“No matter. I’m sure we’ll have lots of fun with this,” Raph said, turning back to her. “Thank you, Grandma.” He leaned down to press a kiss to her cheek.
“You’re very welcome sweetheart.”
What a lovely picture they made. I hoped it would be over soon.
“Something wrong, darling?” Grandma asked, addressing me. “You don’t have to look like that. I broughtyoua gift too.”
I groaned.
“A gift?” I forced a tight smile on my lips. “For me? You didn’t have to.”
“Well, it’s really for the two of you. But I know how much you love incense, so…” She pulled a box out of her bag. I allowed myself a breath of relief. That didn’t look like there would be more clothes hiding inside. Grandma had said something about incense. I had no idea why she thought I loved incense--her memory really was going--but I could deal with incense.
“How thoughtful of you,” I said, accepting the box and slowly peeling it out of its shiny wrapping.
“Wonder what it is.” Raph came to stand next to me, peering over my shoulders.
“You should get some use out of it too,” Grandma informed him. A mischievous smile graced her features. Never a good sign.
“Grandma, this is…” I looked at thethingI had unpacked, lost for words.
“That’samazing,” Raph took over for me when I didn’t know what to say.
It was not amazing. It was an incense holder in the shape of a penis.
Where the hell did she even get these things?
“We’ll put this on our coffee table,” Raph said while I was still trying to process and then he proceeded to do just that, setting the ugly thing up on the small table in front of our couch. That wasnotstaying. I refused to look at that thing every time I wanted to watch TV.
For now, though, I chose to say nothing. Let my mate do the talking. He obviously enjoyed it far more than I did.
“I brought you some incense to use with it too,” Grandma announced, digging into her bag again while I hoped the incense was the last object her bag of horrors held.
“Awesome.” Raph gratefully accepted a pack of sticks from her. “Wonder what they’re going to smell like.”
The way I know my great-grandma, they’re gonna smell like sex.
But that was not what Grandma said. “It’s jasmine and some other flowers,” she told us. “They’re supposed to heighten your fertility,” she added with a saucy grin. “So hopefully it won’t be just the two of you in this big house for much longer.”
My gaze snapped to Raph. His smile faltered, but only for a second, then he was back to being cheerful, but I could hear the strain in his voice all the same. “Super kind of you, Grandma. How about we drink our tea now? Oh, look at that, I totally forgot to get myself a cup.”
Turning away from Grandma, he left the room in a hurry. She probably didn’t notice anything amiss, but I knew my omega and I knew what was going through his head right now. I also knew that he wouldn’t take longer than a minute in the kitchen before he’d return to us and have a conversation with Grandma as if nothing was wrong. That was just who he was. He didn’t show his pain in public, never had. If I wanted to talk about what had just happened, I would have to wait until our visitor was gone.
