Page 70 of Jake and Conner
But I hadn't come here to disturb Zander while he was trying to do his job. After all, I didn't like it when people tried to interfere with mine, either.
"I'm just going to browse a little," I made myself say, because now I was thinking of Jake again and right now, that wasn't doing anything to improve my mental state.
"Go ahead," Zander said, stacking the books up near the register.
I walked along the shelves to the right, my eyes trailing the spines of the books in the non-fiction section. I'd spent so much time here, I knew these shelves almost as well as the shelves in my own living room, so I could always tell which books were new and which were refusing to sell. Some books had been waiting on these shelves for so long they felt like old friends.
"I've heard that you might be looking for books about pregnancy now," Zander said as if it was just an interesting tidbit he'd managed to overhear while rearranging his shelves. "Congratulations."
"Thank you."
"Those books would be--"
"On the row to my right, I know."
Zander laughed. "It's a shame you're not working for me. Sam can never remember where anything is."
"I'm sure he tries, though." Zander's son wasn't a bad kid, just a scatterbrain, and definitely the kind of kid who'd go out in search of his own adventures rather than reading about them in a book. I paused with my eyes on the shelves in front of me, wondering if my own child would share my love for books. Unconsciously, I placed a hand on my belly and decided that it didn't matter. I'd been starting to feel faint flutters of movement every now and then, of my child making his presence known, and every time I did, I felt such a surge of affection for this unborn life that I couldn't imagine not loving him regardless of his interests.
It bothered me that Jake thought I wasn't taking good care of our baby.
"Have you decided where you're going to live after the baby is born?" Zander asked as casually as if he was asking me about the weather. "Nick and I can help if you need movers."
"Not really," I admitted. We hadn't really had time to talk. And I realized that most of this was my fault. Jake had some long shifts, yeah, but it was mostly me who came home late and then wanted to do nothing more than snuggle up in bed. I couldn't help it, though. Being pregnant was tiring, and yeah, maybe Jake had a point that I was working a lot, but I always had. I didn't want to cut down just because--
Just because you're creating a whole new life inside your body?
The voice inside of my mind was ridiculing me.
I knew that my thought process wasn't entirely rational.
I just didn't like being told that there was something I couldn't do because I was omega.
Sighing, I rubbed my eyes. I hadn't gotten enough sleep the night before.
"I probably need to apologize to Jake," I said, the words slipping from my tongue before I could think about whether or not I wanted to voice them.
"Are you two fighting?" For some reason, Zander seemed to be amused by that thought.
"Not exactly." But we had a lot of things to settle, and I had been less than kind to him the night before.
Zander smiled at me. "I can't believe how much the two of you have grown. I can still remember you kids coming here to tell me about your arguments when you were kids. I don't think Jake ever bought anything in here for any other reason."
"He got comic books sometimes," I pointed out.
"True. Okay, anything that wasn't a comic book."
I nodded, looking at the shelves again. How often had Jake bought me books to make up to me? How often had he found me here after we'd had a fight? "I got really lucky with him," I said, because I suddenly got the feeling that I wasn't saying it often enough. Especially not recently.
What would I do without Jake?
I couldn't even imagine living the kind of life where I couldn't count on him to come looking for me with a gift or a kind smile when the world had forced me into seeking refuge with my books. Even when we hadn't been a couple, Jake had always made sure that I knew how much he cared about me.
So what if he cared a little bit too much sometimes?
Rubbing my eyes again, I concluded that I probably did need the occasional reminder to get more sleep.
And I needed to make sure that Jake knew I cared about him too.
