Page 4 of Omega's Heart
I flicked a glance toward Dad. He looked uncertain. Wary, almost, like he suspected what was coming. I sighed and decided to dive into the pond with all four feet. “No, Mom, I haven’t found anyone. And that’s the problem. I know you love me and want to see me settled, and I know that I’ll always have a place here with you if I never find a mate. But who wants to grow old living in their parents’ house? I don’t want to be a burden. I don’t want my life to be,” I took a deep, shaky breath. “I don’t want it to be what it is right now.”
She put a hand up to her mouth, but I could see it in her eyes how much I’d hurt her.
“You know that’s not how we feel,” Dad said. “It’s not your fault.”
Not my fault. I almost laughed, because it was most assuredly my fault for having a womb in something that looked like an alpha’s body. I remembered when I was twelve going on thirteen and realized how fast I was growing. How I was already taller than nearly everyone else in my age group and trying any desperate trick to stop it. They’d caught me hiding my food, thinking I could starve my body into submission so I’d stop growing. But it couldn’t do away with the inches I’d already gained or the muscle that already clothed my bones. And really, I’d been so hungry all the time, I couldn’t have kept that going longer than a day or two anyway. So, yes, this was partly my fault.
I sighed and plowed on. “I know you’d never kick me out and that eventually Max or Aleksandre will take me in. I know that I’ll always have a roof over my head. But I’m always going to depend on charity, I’m always going to be a drain on resources that could have been put toward their own pups or their own future.” Ha, they didn’t think I’d realized that, I could see it in their downcast eyes and awkward glances. I leaned forward and took one of my mother’s hands and one of my father’s and gripped them tightly. “You have three pups still at home and only two of them will ever leave.”
“But we love you,” Mom said, her voice thick with unspoken sobs. “We’d never begrudge you a room.”
“No, or anything else you needed,” Dad said quietly. “We’re not poor. You don’t need to worry about this.”
I wasn’t getting through to them. Not surprising, since I didn’t entirely understand why I needed to leave the enclave myself, except for... I sighed again. “Do you know how humiliating it is to go to Full Moon each month and watch pups ten years younger than you getting betrothed and planning their matings, knowing you’ll never get to do that for yourself? Knowing that your...purpose...on their happiest night is to make sure everything goes smoothly and no one has to look after their pups, so they can celebrate properly.” I squeezed their hands and then let go, leaning back in my chair and staring down at the table. “I’m tired of living my life like a ghost. There should be more than this. But I can’t reach for it here. There’s too much history and I’ve already faded too far into the woodwork.”
We all three went quiet and contemplated that prospect, or at least I did. Dad stared sadly out the window, while Mom watched me like all her dreams were crumbling to dust, which I supposed they were. I’d just brought the family secret out in broad daylight and shook it in their face—I was unmateable. Not because I was unhandsome—I’d been told I was attractive—but because when an alpha danced with me at Full Moon, he had to look up to see my face, and who would try to steal a kiss from someone taller than them? No alpha could stand that.
Finally, I couldn’t bear it anymore. “I’m going to go see if there’s anything that needs to be done for Full Moon down at the clearing.” I leaned down and kissed their cheeks, one after the other. “I’m sorry if I hurt you, it wasn’t what I meant.”
Mom reached up and patted me blindly, her eyes full of tears. “I never realized you were so unhappy,” she said. Her smile shook, but it was a brave effort. She’d always been like this, putting her pups first, happier for their successes than her own.
“We’ll figure this out,” Dad promised.
I let that go—I needed to get out of there because my own eyes were welling up. The only thing I wanted from them now was their permission and support to request a transfer of pack allegiance to Mercy Hills. There, I thought, I could have a purpose other than—this.
I hoped so.
C H A P T E R 4
W e never spoke of it again, not until a day nearly a month later when Dad came home early, before my younger brother and sister were due home from school, and sat me down at the table. My stomach twisted while I waited for him to speak and I was glad that I hadn’t had anything to eat in the last while because I wasn’t sure I could have kept it down. He hadn’t said a word, but somehow I knew that my life was about to hit a turning point, for better—or for worse.
“I spoke to the Alpha,” Dad said quietly. “He wants to talk to you.”
I’d never spoken to the Alpha before; he had more important things to do than waste time talking with the third child, the omega child, of one of the horticulturalists in the pack. I felt my heart speed up and it got harder to breathe. “What does he need to speak to me about?” In that moment, I didn’t want to go. I wanted to stay here, safe in my relative anonymity.
“He’s the Alpha. The health of the pack is his responsibility, and when a pack member asks to leave, he wants to know why.”
I swallowed hard and looked down at the tablecloth, one I’d made years ago out of scraps of old towels. “When?” I croaked out. What could I say? I didn’t even really know why I’d picked Mercy Hills, except that the memory of that omega from Perseguir and his beta mate had stayed with me. The hope he’d had of a better life there and how they’d clung to each other, the two of them against everything and everyone.
“We’ll go down after we’ve eaten, he’s cleared some time in his schedule then.”
I nodded and stared harder at the tablecloth, until Dad got up from his chair and left to go back to work.
Dinner was a subdued meal. Even though we weren’t talking about it, I guessed that Dad had talked to Mom and that maybe she had mentioned something to my younger brother and sister. Or maybe they’d just caught my mood and were quiet because of it. We ate quickly, though I noticed none of us had much of an appetite, then I helped clear the table.
But as I was running water to wash the dishes, Mom gently pushed herself into my place and murmured, “Aston can help with the dishes tonight. Your father is waiting for you.”
I looked up from the sink to see Dad waiting patiently by the door. “All right,” I said, my mouth gone dry. I turned off the tap and wiped my hands before grabbing my jacket from its nail by the door and slipping out the door in Dad’s shadow.
The walk to the Alpha’s house took a little over half an hour and the sky had darkened toward night in the meantime. I stood outside the office with Dad and wished I’d never mentioned it at all. Omegas weren’t supposed to make waves—we were the ones who smoothed them out, fixed all the things that caused upset. This was just... really out of character.
Oh, hell, no. Never mind, I’m fine this way. I reached out to tap on his shoulder and tell him I’d changed my mind, but I was a moment too slow—his knuckles were already making a sharp rapping noise against the door.
It was the Alpha himself who answered. “Come in.” We shuffled inside to the office where his secretary usually worked, though the room was dark and empty now. “I thought it would be better to hash this out without witnesses. That way, there’s no repercussions if anyone changes their mind.”
He meant me.
We went through into his office and he showed us to chairs and asked if we wanted anything to drink, then set glasses of water on the desk in front of us despite our refusals. He was a smart shifter, our Alpha. My mouth was so dry with adrenaline now that I didn’t think I could talk without my tongue getting stuck to the roof of my mouth.
