Page 38 of A Very Oceanport Christmas
Or was it?
* * *
Steppingfrom the ice cream parlor into the upstairs apartment felt like stepping into a different world. Downstairs, it was Christmas. Up here? No hint of the holiday approaching. I glanced out the kitchen window. We usually had a white Christmas in Oceanport, but not this year, it seemed. The branches of the trees outside were bare and sad with no hint of snow, emphasizing the lack of cheer that hung heavy over the apartment.
The letter is in the junk drawer.
Mr. Clark's words came back to me. I'd heard only half the conversation he and David had had, but whatever this letter was, it had sounded kind of ominous. I'd decided not to go snooping through their stuff to find it, but…
Ithoughtmaybe I'd heard the word college.
But David would have told me if he was considering going to college, right?
I glanced at the junk drawer.
What would it hurt if I just took a quick peek?
I didn't think that David was lying to me—he was a terrible liar—or that his feelings for me weren't real, but what if he was lying to himself?
I approached the junk drawer and pulled it open, Livvy's words haunting me. I didn't want to doubt David's motives, but we were moving really fucking fast and I needed to be sure. After all, I was responsible for more lives than just my own now. If David wasn't totally certain about wanting to raise my kid with me, or if he was doing it just to erase the past from his mind, I needed to know. I needed to know that this was the life he wanted to lead, not something I was pushing him into.
Several sheets of paper lay folded in the junk drawer. I picked them up, unfolded the top sheet and read it.
I felt the blood drain from my face as my eyes flew over the lines. It didn't take more than a second for me to realize what I was holding. An admissions letter. David really had applied to college, and he'd been accepted.
I searched the letter for a date and found it in the upper right corner. It was recent. Of course, David had applied long before we'd gotten together, but this letter had arrived this month. He hadn't mentioned it. Not a single word.
Why not?
Did he not know what he wanted to do about it? Whether to accept or not?
Or had he already made up his mind and didn't want my input?
Was he going to go?
My stomach clenched, because I already knew the answer to this question. David wasn't going to go, was he? Even if he'd planned to before, he wouldn't now. He wouldn't leave me.Thatwas why he hadn't told me. He didn't want me to feel responsible.
But he couldn't just put his life on hold for me either. That wasn't fair. I didn't want him to. David was smart and intelligent and if he wanted to go to college, he should get to go. And he obviously wanted to. Why else would he have applied?
My hand tightened around the paper, crumpling it.Shit.I couldn't do that. David might still need this. I made myself smooth the paper out again, folding it neatly even as my hands shook. I wasn't sure what I was going to do, but David had to go to college.
Hehadto.
* * *
"I foundthe letter from Silverlake College," I announced that evening when we were in David's room together, after the ice cream parlor had been closed up and dinner had been eaten.
David had been reading some sort of news article on his phone, but now his eyes snapped to me. "You found what?" he asked as if he wasn't sure he'd heard me right.
"I know you got accepted," I said, struggling to keep my voice even. Acid roiled in my stomach, and I laid my hand on my belly. I'd barely been able to get anything down during dinner, joking that I'd snacked on too many Christmas cookies when Mr. Clark asked if I wasn't enjoying his stir-fry.
There hadn't been anything wrong with the food of course. Mr. Clark wasn't Dean, but he wasn't a disaster in the kitchen by any means.
"I... it doesn't matter," David said. "I never wanted you to see that letter. Hell, I never wanted to see it again myself." He rose from the bed where he'd been sitting, gesturing wildly with his hands, wanting to make me understand.
I didn't understand, though.
What he was saying made no sense. "You thought you could just keep this from me?" All the things he'd said about having each other's backs, had that all been bullshit? "This was important! You applied to college and you didn't even tell me!"
