Page 62 of Act Like You Don't Care
If... Oh, I hadn't even considered that. I felt the blood drain from my face as my imagination took this bit of information and ran with it, showing me my career crumbling, everything I’d worked for gone because my biology had stolen it from me.
Vaguely through my panic I felt the doctor helping me over to the exam table and laying me down on the cold surface. The room's ceiling whirled above me like I’d had about three drinks too many, then slowly settled down.
"I'm fine, it's nothing," I insisted and pushed at the doctor's hands when he tried to keep me from sitting up. "I'm just..." I stopped talking before I could say anything I’d regret later.
"I know it's a surprise. Take a moment and let your blood pressure stabilize. Lots of omegas carry on with a physically demanding job, at least until well on in a pregnancy. Plus, you do have choices. There are resources, no matter which decision you make.”
Which decision...? The doctor's words puzzled me for a moment, then it hit me. The man was talking about whether to even have the baby. Or not.
Shit, I’d have to tell my agent. "I think I'm fine now."
The doctor helped me up and watched me carefully for the first few minutes I was on my feet. "We'll talk on Friday once we have all the information. Don't do anything impulsive between now and then, okay? Regardless of what the outcome of the blood tests is, there's still plenty of time to make a plan and follow through."
I nodded and shook the man's hand, then made my escape. I remembered just in time to pull myself together before sauntering out into the waiting room and swinging by the nurse's desk to make my next appointment, flirting like I hadn't just been told the most devastating thing ever in my life.
And then I was out the door and I could breathe and try to think.
* * *
Friday,after my appointment with the doctor, I called Will.
”You're what?" Will demanded. "Hold on."
The noise on Will's end of the line grew louder for a moment, then was abruptly cut off. "Okay, I'm in someone’s office. Did you just say...?"
"Yeah, I’m pregnant." I wandered around the living room of my condo while I waited for Will to calm down and stop making those choking noises.
“How far along are you?”
“Month and a half, maybe?”
We were both silent for a few moments after that as we pictured my expanding belly and tried to imagine how they’d fit me into some of the set-pieces that we’d been shown sketches of.
“You can’t have it, Tam,” Will said, his voice heavy with regret. “Not unless you want to back out of the contract. There’s no way they’re going to be able to film around a baby for most of the movie. Or want to.”
“I know.” I did know, in my head. So why did Will’s confirmation make me feel so hollow?
“At least you figured it out early enough.”
“Yeah.” I sank onto the couch and put my head between my knees, hoping that whirling sensation would disappear, but it only seemed to make it worse. “Can I call you back in a few minutes?”
“Sure, I’ll—“ I didn’t hear the rest of it because I’d already cut the call so I could go lean against the vanity in the bathroom and pray my stomach settled. It was this moment, more than when I’d watched those blue lines show up on the pregnancy test or talked to the doctor, that convinced me it was really happening. Thissicknessin my stomach. I never got sick—I ate everything and anything and never, ever threw up. Even when I was hungover and desperate to, I had to force it.
It wasn’t going away either. Not getting any worse, but not getting any better either. Finally, I gave in and stuck a finger down my throat, hoping for some relief from the sensation. It didn’t take long, and it didn’t help much either, which put me right back in the same situation, and with Will still to talk to. Plus my agent. And the studio.
Oh, God, the gossip mags were going to love this.
I sat down on the couch with my hands shaking and tried not to think about what my future looked like with a kid in tow. No more action heroes, no more romantic leads, no fan-favorite books being made into movies. Hookers and victims and supporting characters were all that would be left. If I could even get those parts—it was by no means a sure thing that I’d be welcomed back into the industry fold even for those parts if I put my biology ahead of my career after making so much noise about being equal to an alpha.
And then what? Commercials? Fast food? I was still paying on Mom’s condo—I supposed I could sell mine and pay hers off, go hide out there. She’d love to have a grandchild.
I couldn’t.
What about Miles? No, if I told him, he’d want a say in it, making decisions for my life based on what he wanted. It was what alphas did. Even though he didn’t seem like a typical alpha, when offspring were involved all bets were off. I’d seen it happen more than once and I’d be damned if someone else’s decisions were going to derail my life. If I was going to fuck things up totally, I wanted to at least be able to own it as the product of my own choices.
My stomach twisted again. Better call Will before this gets out of hand.
He answered on the first ring. “You okay?”
