Page 111 of Hard Rock Muse
“For?” he asked.
“A lot of things,” I said. “Mostly for yelling at you and accusing you of things I shouldn't have.”
“I never used you, Ev,” Julian said, the expression in his eyes turning into a despondent plea. “I don’t know how you could possibly think that.”
“It was stupid of me,” I said. “I just saw the way you pushed me aside the minute the song was done and…”
“What do you mean, pushed you aside?” he said.
“The second we were done you basically told me you didn’t need me anymore. You called the others and told me I should leave.”
Julian’s expression turned befuddled.
“I wasn’t pushing you away,” he said. “I was letting you go.”
Now it was my turn to be confused. “What?”
“We’d been working on the song for so long. I figured you were anxious to get working on other things, to keep on getting more gigs and jobs. Those royalties won’t be coming in until the album is released, and I know you’ve been looking for work for a while.” Julian ran a hand through his bangs, ruffling them. “I just didn’t want to be the reason you couldn’t pay rent or whatever. So I thought I’d let you get to work on other stuff as soon as you could.”
A lump formed in my throat. I hadn’t thought of it that way. I didn’t know Julian knew about my financial situation. I hadn’t brought it up at all, not wanting his pity.
“I’m so sorry I jumped to conclusions,” I told him.
“Seriously Ev, those were some pretty serious accusations you threw at me.” His lips turned down into a forlorn grimace. “What made you even go there in the first place?”
“Keith said—”
“Keith?!” Julian exclaimed, brows furrowing with a glare. “What the hell does that asshole have to do with anything?”
“He showed up,” I said. “He said some things. Mostly lies and half-truths, I guess. He made me think—” My throat closed. It was so humiliating to admit I’d fallen for his shit again.
“He made you think I didn’t actually care about you?” Julian guessed, incredulously. “That’s insane. Ev, there’s no one else in the world I care about more than you.”
“I’m beginning to see that. But…” I braced myself. “It wasn’t just about Keith. There are still some things that remain unspoken between us.”
That now familiar panic returned to his eyes.
“I won’t ask you to talk,” I told him. “But maybe, you can listen, instead?” I took his hand and made him sit next to me on the sofa. I held it, not letting go, despite the hesitation in his eyes. “I want to try and understand what you’re not saying.”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“Just listen,” I told him. “You don’t have to say anything. Let me do the talking. Okay?”
He pressed his lips together. He nodded once.
“You told me you grew up with your aunt,” I continued. “But that wasn’t the whole truth. You stayed with a bunch of relatives.”
Another hesitant nod.
“It wasn’t always a good situation,” I continued.
He swallowed hard. He shook his head, indicating that it hadn’t been.
“You grew up with your aunt because your parents both left. And then some time later, you went from your aunt’s house to one of your uncle’s. But that didn’t last long either.” I didn’t wait for him to confirm. The pain I saw in his eyes was enough. “You never stayed too long anywhere. You were shuffled from place to place. You never had a steady home. And I have to guess, since you were pawned off from one relative to another…” I scooted closer on the sofa, pressing our thighs together. “You weren’t made to feel very welcome?”
Julian let out a shuddering breath and squeezed his eyes closed. He bowed his head over mine, his hair tickling my cheeks as he hunched over, as if trying to hide. My heart ached for him. Certain suspicions went through my mind.
“Was there abuse?” I asked softly.
