Page 18 of Hard Rock Muse
“Right,” she said, but the smile didn’t leave her face.
“You do remember he dumped me, walked away from the band and broke my heart?” I asked her, feeling annoyed.
Her expression fell, and I felt bad, but I wasn’t going to let her get ideas into her head.
“It’s been years,” she said. “If you just talked to him about what happened—”
“That’s the last thing I want,” I said. “I don’t need to be opening up old wounds.”
“I still think there was more going on back then than Julian just deciding to leave.”
“I know exactly what was going on.”
Keith had offered the band a contract with his record label. Seth and Julian didn’t think we should sign. They didn’t like the terms. They thought we’d have to give up too much control. We’d have to change too much.
Julian always had been more about the music than the fame.
But they didn’t get it. Keith was our best shot. We’d worked so hard for so long. We finally had a chance to hit it big, to finally stop living like starving artists. I wouldn’t have to worry about how I’d put Abby through college. I wouldn’t have to worry whether my mom would be stuck working until she was ninety. We wouldn’t have to work three jobs to make ends meet. We could finally be free of debt.
And I’d finally be able to achieve one of my dreams. To be able to play music, to perform for people, to share my vision with the world. Music was powerful. It was life-changing. And I’d always wanted to be a part of that, even if it was just in some small way.
Maybe they had been right. Maybe I was a sell out.
But it didn’t matter what they thought. In the end, Seth wouldn’t sign and Julian decided to leave with him rather than stay with me.
“You were both young back then,” Abby said. “People are dumb and immature when they’re young. They make bad decisions. Maybe he’s changed.”
“Look who’s calling who immature,” I said, trying to change the subject.
Abby made a face, hating to be reminded that she was only eighteen, not even old enough to drink legally. She’d always looked up to me, always wanting to do what her big sister was allowed to do. It grated on her that she was still considered the baby of the family.
“You’re not the same person you were, either,” Abby said. “You’ve changed.”
My sister didn’t know all the details of my relationship with Keith, but the pity in her voice was almost too much to take.
I’d isolated myself, pushed people away and pretended things were fine for so long. But she had seen the aftermath. She’d been the one to help me get through it all.
I was more grateful to her than she could know.
“Maybe you should give Julian another chance,” Abby said.
“What makes you think he would even want one?” I replied. “Our relationship was in the past. He’s moved on.”
“Ev…” Abby’s eyes went soft. “Julian adored you. He loved you.”
“Clearly he didn’t love me enough.” I grabbed a granola bar and stalked out of the kitchen. “I’m going to go work on that song in my room.”
Abby didn’t say anything, but I could sense the disappointed look on her face behind my back.
I closed the bedroom door, shutting her out. I sat on my bed with the notebook where I’d written down words while Julian played.
My gut churned, a jumble of emotions. It was impossible to work on the song while I was like this. Thinking about Seth and Julian making that ultimatum, Julian walking out on me, Keith picking up the pieces when I fell apart and then fucking me over just as bad as Julian had…
I laid on my back, closing my eyes and letting out a deep, calming breath. I placed my hands on my stomach, feeling the rise and fall with every inhale and exhale.
I’d thought I could do it. I’d thought I could work with Julian again. But Abby’s words kept rattling around in my head.
He loved me.
