Page 48 of Hard Rock Muse
“You left me! You left the band. You threw out everything we worked so hard for, and all for what? Because you didn’t like the terms of the contract? You thought we’d have to give up too much creative control?”
I yanked my hand from his and stood up to pace. All the outrage and frustration I’d been tamping down for weeks started seeping to the surface. My heart thumped an angry beat, my cheeks flushed.
“That’s how the music industry works,” I continued. “You don’t always get everything you want. Contract negotiations are all about making deals and compromises. If you had just stayed—”
“I thought you’d change your mind,” Julian said loudly, interrupting my rant.
I paused, halting in the middle of an angry stomp. “What do you mean?”
“I knew how much you wanted this contract,” he said. “But I didn’t trust Keith. He seemed slimy. Slick. Like a snakeoil salesman. I didn’t trust him. Neither did Seth.” Julian looked weary, his eyes downcast. “We tried to tell you, but nothing we said would make you budge. I thought if I left, you’d see how serious I was about this. I thought you’d change your mind.”
“You thought…” I trailed off, astonished.
“I know it was stupid and immature of me to turn it into some kind of ultimatum,” he said. “I shouldn’t have made you choose between me and the contract. And then when I came to my senses… I saw you with Keith.” Julian’s eyes burned with heartache and pain. His fist clenched. “I started wondering if maybe you and him…”
“I never cheated on you,” I said. “Never.”
“I didn’t think you did,” he said. “Not really. But I couldn't help feeling betrayed, like you’d chosen him over me.”
“And I thought you chose Seth over me,” I said. “I know how much the two of you care about the music, even more than the money and the fame. I thought he decided to leave and you choose to go with him.”
“I guess we both kind of suck at communication,” Julian said.
My rapidly pounding pulse slowed down. I returned to the kitchen table and flopped onto the chair next to Julian. His hands were clasped, his head bowed over them, hair falling over his cheeks.
“The only reason I was with Keith was because I was messed up over you leaving,” I said. “He gave me comfort. He gave me hope. He talked about all the amazing things we were going to do together. I was weak and I didn’t see him for what he really was.”
“You weren’t weak,” Julian said. “You were hurt.”
“He told me I was better off solo,” I said. “He said I had better chances of making it without the band dragging me down.”
“I know.”
I shot my head up. “What do you mean, you know?”
“I didn’t want to tell you this but…” Julian looked hesitant. “I spoke to Keith after our breakup. Or, more like, Keith spoke to me. He told me what you just said. He told me you were better off without us, that we were just hindering you. He really only ever wanted to give you the contract. We were just dead weight to him. And I knew that if I tried to get you back, if I tried to keep the band together, he'd pull the contract from you. He didn’t want the band. He wanted you.”
I barked a derisive laugh. “You’re right. That’s exactly what he wanted.”
Julian looked confused. “What?”
“I should have known,” I said with a shake of my head. “He swooped in so fast after you left. Made all these promises. Made me feel so special. I really thought he cared about me.”
Julian reached out and took my hand. “You never told me why you’re not still with him.”
A spike of panic went through me. I didn’t want to get into this. I didn’t want Julian to know what had happened. I didn’t want him to know how stupid I’d been. How weak.
“It just didn’t work out,” I said. “So I left.”
Julian pressed his lips together, and I knew he didn’t believe that was the whole explanation. I darted forward and placed a kiss on his cheek, patting his hand.
“Let’s go make some breakfast,” I said.
He eyed me carefully, but seemed to accept the change in topic.
“Sure,” he said. “What do you want to make?”
“Whatever you feel like.”
