Page 4 of Hard Rock Love
2
My campus was large enough that I usually had to hurry between classes to get from one to the other. Today was one of my lighter days. I’d grabbed a pre-made sandwich from one of the canteens and made my way to the library.
I spent most of my non-class time there. I couldn’t study at home. It was too hard to get into the right headspace and concentrate when the lure of TV and naps tugged on me. Not to mention, Everly and Julian were sometimes at home being their usual sappy selves.
I was happy for my sister. Ecstatic, even. I loved Julian like my own big brother and I’d jumped for joy when they’d finally reconciled. That didn’t mean I wanted it rubbed in my face.
I used to take part in a lot of study groups. I wasn’t the best at meeting new people, so having an organized activity to go along with my socializing was perfect for me.
But the idea of joining any of my old study groups now caused anxiety to spike through me. Along with that anxiety came a host of other emotions. Anger. Humiliation. Heartache.
I hefted my backpack higher on my shoulder and tried to shake those thoughts away. I wasn’t going to dwell on it. I was going to focus on schoolwork from now on, just like I should have from the beginning.
But as if my thoughts had summoned them, I found myself walking past a group of familiar students sitting at a table on the quad. My stomach dropped, dread and shame rising within me.
I averted my gaze and hurried along, hoping they didn’t see.
But I wasn’t lucky enough. One of them must have noticed me because the whispers began, punctuated with bouts of derisive laughter.
My face burned.
I knew exactly what they were saying about me, exactly what kind of harsh, snarky comments they were making.
A lump formed in my throat. The beginnings of tears pricked my eyes. I lowered my gaze to the ground and sped up my pace.
I’d been determined to ignore them, to ignore the whispers and mean words. It was hard. This campus wasn’t that big. Sometimes it felt like everyone knew about me. As if everyone had heard the rumors.
By the time I reached the library I was nearly in full blown tears. My shoulders drooped over on themselves instinctively, trying to make myself smaller, trying to disappear into the ground completely.
When I entered the library the hushed atmosphere and smell of books helped calm me. It was a familiar space. A safe space. I’d spent so much of my time in libraries. They held only happy memories for me. Memories of my mom taking me to check out armfuls of books. Memories of me studying to ace my tests and get into a good college. We’d never been able to afford brand new books from bookstores, or fancy tutors. Libraries had been the next best thing.
Maybe it was silly, but sometimes it felt like libraries were a comforting friend.
The third floor held the quiet study rooms, so that was where I headed. As I climbed the spiral staircase, my tense shoulders eased, that lump in my throat melting away.
By the time I hit the top of the stairs, I was feeling much better. The sting in my chest still hurt, but being surrounded by the stacks of books was like a balm.
I turned a corner to go to my usual study space.
I stopped. Someone else was at the table.
But not just a strange someone.
It was Seth.
Utterly confused, I looked back and forth, wondering if I’d find Julian or Everly hanging around. I didn't know why any of them would be here, but it made more sense for the three of them to stick together than for Seth to be here alone with books laid out in front of him.
I didn’t see either of them, only other students.
I approached the table. His auburn head was bent down over his books, a frown on his pursed lips and a line between his brows. He flipped a pen over and over in his hands, between his fingers and around his thumb, just the way he might have with drumsticks. It was an impressive display.
“Hey, Seth,” I whispered.
His head shot up, startled. His eyes went wide when he saw me, the green of his gaze vibrant. He was so handsome. My heart thumped a quick beat.
“Oh. Abby. Hey.” He fumbled with some papers, shuffling them and trying to cover what he’d been hunched over.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
